When I got pregnant with my first baby I didn’t have a clue what I was in for. Sure I had read every ounce of literature I could get my hands on, but I had no idea what MY journey would look like. (affiliates included)
I watched The Business of Being Born and read about a bunch of other triumphant women who had given birth naturally and wanted to do the same.
I sat down and wrote out my birth plan carefully, noting all things that I did NOT want happening in the delivery room. No drugs, no monitoring, no interventions…
I had dreamed up this beautifully incredible pain that I wanted to experience.
It was this combination of gorgeous births I’d seen acted out in movies and words I’d read from others and it just seemed so magical. I was scared of the pain but willing to walk through it. Eager, even.
It would hurt, absolutely, but I would conquer the pain, rise above it and do what women are supposed to do: birth babies.
Then one day during an ultrasound every dream I had in my mind was shattered when I saw a tiny butt down baby on the screen.
He was born via an emergency c-section a few months later and my daughter was born the same way.
I never got to experience real contractions or the feeling of pushing. I never got to ride the roller coaster of labor and delivery that ends with a screaming baby being laid on my chest.
The beauty of birthing a baby would be something I’d never experience and it made me sad.
I had to take some time to let myself be sad about it, to grieve the fact that there is something I wanted to do in my life that I will never get the chance to.
But here’s what is important: I delivered those beautiful babies to the world. How I did it doesn’t matter, I still got them here. I still went through pain (a lot of pain) to sacrifice for them. I still rode a very crazy roller coaster, it just wasn’t called Labor & Delivery. It was called The Cesarean Section. The name is irrelevant.
If you had a c-section and it wasn’t what you had hoped for, know this: you are still just as triumphant as the woman who gave birth naturally. You are no less of a mother.
Take a moment to let yourself grieve it and then remind yourself what a rock-star you still are. After all, with everything we can let ourselves feel guilty about, the way we birthed our babies should never be one of them.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.