My husband coached a boys baseball team for several years when we were dating. He was (and still is – now he coaches our son) amazing at the job. Every now and again a parent would call and say their son wanted to quit the team. The reasons were varied but the question was always the same: should I allow them to quit?
Now that I’m a mom and my kids are playing sports, I know precisely how I will answer that question if it comes up. The consensus I see is to let them quit, but I don’t feel that same way.
My Kid Wants To Quit The Team
Like every parenting decision we make, it has to be made based on your very specific set of circumstances. There isn’t any one-sized fits all answering when it comes to our kids. (I think if we all remembered that, there would be less debate and “mommy-wars” and more love and compassion, but I digress.)
Why do they want to quit?
Finding out exactly why they don’t want to play anymore is key here. Saying I don’t want to go anymore isn’t good enough. Each reason gives a different response.
- Do they feel they aren’t good enough? If this is the case, and they really love the sport and want to get better, then offer support. Ask the coach for specific things you can work on at home. Sometimes it doesn’t take extreme coaching, just a lot of repetition, which is something you can absolutely assist with. Another option is to request or pay for additional help, but only if they have a love and drive for the sport. Which brings me to my next question.
- Do they hate the sport? If they simply find no enjoyment in it and have no drive to get up and put on those soccer cleats, then don’t force it. I do feel it is important to not make a decision like this after one practice, though. Ask them to give it an agreed upon time limit (one month, four practices, etc.) and if they still feel that way, they can quit. They may find it is a lot of fun once they give it a chance! If it’s been weeks though, and they have no desire to play, let them quit.
- Is someone being mean to them? If there is someone bullying them and making their experience miserable, then the coach should be involved immediately. You should work with your child on how to handle bullies and insist the team does not put up with the behavior. Working with others they don’t get along with is a great learning experience, but if ultimately, if you feel your child is in any danger, then removing them from the situation may be your best option. Perhaps you can find another team for them to join instead.
- Is there some other form of anxiety? Are they nervous about getting hurt? Are they embarrassed? Are they shy? It’s important if your child has an anxiety about something, to work through it and not go around it. If they have an anxiety about a sport and they quit, it will only manifest somewhere else. There are lots of great resources for kids with anxiety and talking to a counselor can be helpful as well.
- Do they have other priorities? Do they want to quit so they can play more video games? Spend time with a girlfriend? If they have always shown a passion and skill at a sport and now they want to shift priorities to something else less important, my answer would be no. Usually this feeling will pass and you don’t want your kids to give something up and regret it a month later. If this continues on and it seems your child has moved passed the sport and genuinely does not want to play it anymore, then allow them to quit.
This, like many instances, is a great teaching moment. We want our children to grow up to make decisions and weigh options with thoughtfulness and consideration. Not to throw our hands up in the air on a bad day or to give up on something because it’s tough.
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Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
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