I remember it like it was yesterday. My husband and I had only been married for 19 days and we were in the middle of a big fight. I don’t remember what the fight was about, but I remember my husband wondering aloud if we had made the right decision. After all, we had only been married 19 days. Surely, we shouldn’t be fighting already.
The truth is, as glamorous as Hollywood makes weddings and the newlywed years out to be, in real life–things aren’t always that pretty. So let me fill you in on what Hollywood can’t tell you and your friends and family are afraid to say–the truth about the first year of marriage.
The fight that we had 19 days into our marriage wasn’t the first one we had, and it certainly wasn’t the last. It is perfectly normal and acceptable to disagree and yes, even fight sometimes. Of course you should try to get along as best as you can and keep your fights productive and healthy, but having a disagreement doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that you aren’t right for each other. It simply means you don’t agree. And that’s okay.
2. Marriage is REALLY Hard
Going into marriage, I knew marriage was hard, but I never realized HOW hard it is. Each person has their own opinions about the way they like to do things, and figuring out how to mesh your two unique styles, tastes, preferences and beliefs into one new lifestyle that will fit your new family perfectly can be a little tricky. With deciding where to live, how to raise your kids, how often to see your in-laws, how to best love each other and everything in between–you’ll have a lot of learning to do! And a lot of trial and error along the way.
3. You Will Change Your Minds
Before we got married, my husband and I sat down and went through all of the questions engaged couples should ask. Questions like “How many kids will we have?” “Who will clean the bathroom?” “Will both of us work or will one of stay home?” And thankfully–our answers matched! Until we actually found ourselves in those situations. For example, I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom… until I was one. Turns out, I enjoy working. And that’s okay.
4. You’re More Different than You Realize
John Gray was on to something when he wrote the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” You and your significant other may not be from two totally different planets, but as you navigate marriage, you might just be surprised to find out how different you are after all. Instead of seeing these differences as problems–view them as opportunities! With two different perspectives, you can find a path that incorporates the best of both worlds.
5. Love isn’t Enough
While love and happiness with your other half are important, the truth is that they will never be enough. There are many parts of marriage that won’t make you happy, and there will be days when you feel more in love with your spouse than others. That’s normal, and that’s okay. The trick is to make a strong commitment to each other that no matter what life sends your way, you will figure it out together. That’s how you get a marriage that will last a lifetime.
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