The true thief of my joy is failure.
As a mother, a wife, a woman, as a home decorator, as a chef, as a blogger. As everything. In my eyes, I fail far more than I succeed.
The failure comes from comparison. Mostly, from the picture perfect image I have in my head. That woman that wears dresses and heels everyday with perfectly styled hair and makeup, that has an immaculate house and cooks each meal from scratch. The woman whose children never say ‘damn it’ or hit or bite and and wear clothes from Janie and Jack and mini boden.
She does crafts every day.
Her laundry pile is small.
She painted chevron curtains over the weekend, then wrote a tutorial.
You start to compare yourself and start to think you should be able to do that. Like you aren’t the best wife if you don’t like to cook. That maybe you’re not the best mother if you don’t stay home with your kids. That your blog is mediocre if each post isn’t pinned and repinned 5,000 times.
Comparison really is the thief of joy.
Reading everyone’s well put together lives on the Internet and pinning all the things you’ll never actually make, is just like reading Nicholas Sparks’ novels and expecting your marriage to compare. Guess what, it won’t.
And for the sake of honesty and not doing exactly what I think so many other women are doing, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The extent of my comparison – mostly to the image I’ve created myself – has caused so much guilt that I’ve sought help. It’s caused so much guilt that I barely feel any other emotion and am on an uphill battle to not feel awful every single day.
I have to stop and I have to feel happy and content and worthy. I have to. Continuing to give this imaginary woman any more of my time is only making me feel worse and I will never, ever be her.
And in case one of you feels like me today, let me leave you with a photo from my current view while I’m sitting here holding the baby and typing this from my phone. Behold, three baskets of clean kids clothes that have yet to be put away:
And who knows how long it is going to sit there.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
J's Mommy says
Hi Liz! I know you don’t know me but I’ve been following your blog. Just wanted to chime and in say that I think you are supermom! your blog is awesome, you are awesome, keep doing what you do 🙂
Amber says
Liz, it’s clear from your blog that you’re an incredibly loving and creative mom, and that your kids are well cared for. I hope the help you’ve sought enables you to find contentment and to see in yourself what your readers see in you.
Heather says
Your doing great! I also feel the same sometimes from seeing others posts, crafts, etc. Atleast your looking at clean clothes and not dirty ones see there is always a bright side :). Keep your head high and never let lives of others make you feel less of a person (I know easier said than done sometimes) your kids and husband are blessed I’ve even felt bad from your blog that I wasnt crafty enough, dress myself up enough Lol so sure plenty of people relate to your feelings.
Katie says
I could have written this exact post. I feel this way VERY often from Facebook, Pinterest, and blogs. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings!! No mom is perfect- we just all do the best we can to make it through the day and do what’s best for our babies!!
Sherri Bailey says
Your son is so loving and smart. Yes – he hits sometimes and once in awhile, a bad word flies out. But, he lives in love. His Daddy and his Mommy are doing their absolute best.
Your daughter laughs and watches everything around her and she is healthy. She knows nothing but love.
Would it surprise you to know that I, your Mom, compares the Mother I was to the Mother you are and I am sad that I couldn’t be as good at it as you are – and yet so proud and thankful to God that you are so much better than I was.
You are a thoughtful Mother, and by that I mean that you don’t parent from complacency. You think about the people you want to raise, and you make choices every day to create the kind of adults you know will be healthy and also thoughtful.
Pardon my language, but who gives a shit that the house is often a mess and laundry is never put away and you hate to cook? Who? Anyone who does care doesn’t get what being a Mother is.
You’re wonderful and you’re good at what you do. Very, very good. I am beyond proud and so wholly thankful for who you have become.
Jenna says
I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and am struggling with the same feelings! I am a newlywed and feel the same way about cooking and having a perfect house! I found a quote on Pinterest (of all places!) that talks about comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel…it’s so true! Social media def has its good and bad side. From what I see, I think you’re a wonderful mother and wife! Just remember, you have a lot of ladies who look up to you! I adore your blog and think you have the cutest little family! Thank you for your honesty in all aspects of life! 🙂
Shannon says
I definitely feel this way as well. Pinterest can be great for giving ideas but can also make you feel very inadequate in the decorating/cooking/crafting department. I just try to remember that my husband doesn’t look at that stuff (thank goodness) so in his eyes I’m the best wife/mother ever and that’s all that matters.
Lucy Marie says
This comparison stuff, sucks. Honestly, I am caught up in it so often myself. You are a wonderful mama. I hope the help you have sought helps you realize how extraordinary you are.
Remember, God chose you as the mom for your babies. YOU are the best mom they could ever hope for.
Laura says
I hear ya! I am SO caught up in this right now. It’s terrible. I walk around in a funk the majority of the time. Hugs, and I hope we can get back to a good place soon!
kim grundy says
This is really very nice thought of the one who make this one. Both the marriage have their own importance in which they are happy with it.
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love marriage specialist
Andrea says
I totally can relate to how you are feeling. I don’t blog myself but I read alot of blogs and have the same feelings. I don’t think that people are always honest about how hard it is to be a mom. It’s exhausting and I often find myself feeling jealous about how well behaved etc. their kids are. I love and adore my son but he has a difficult temperament and has had that since birth:) He gets easily frustrated, throws things, and has frequent tantrums. I certainly don’t read about that on many blogs. We haven’t gone out to dinner as a family since July because my 2 year old can’t sit still for more than 20 minutes. But he’s spunky, and full of energy and I love him to pieces. I love reading your blog and think you are a great mom! It’s a hard job so thanks for sharing this!
Vilma Daily says
You always come up with a very interesting blog. I love reading it.