My husband was heading to bed shortly after 10PM one night. “You coming?” he asked. My answer was no, even though I was so tired.
I just needed a few minutes to myself and the only time for that to happen was after everyone else had gone to sleep.
It seems like I trend I keep hearing: moms staying up late even though they’re totally exhausted. I could understand why some people, like your husband for instance, might be confused by this. After all, tired people should want to sleep, right?
But this special time when it’s dark and everyone is snoozing is the perfect sweet spot for alone time.
I’m A Tired Mom But I Still Stay Up Late
Read: This Is Why Moms Are So Damn Tired
See, usually if I happen to have a minute of alone time during the day I use it to do more chores and housework. Nighttime is different.
♥ This is the time I can watch something on TV that little eyes can’t see. (Ahem, Shameless.)
♥ This is the time I can eat that last piece of chocolate cheesecake without little kids coming over opening their mouth for a bite.
♥ This is the time I can allow my shoulders relax, let my whole body fall into cushion of the sectional.
♥ This is the time I can read a book that wasn’t written by Dr. Seuss.
I’ve talked about being an introverted mom and it’s own unique set of problems. The biggest one is that we absolutely need alone time. It’s essential to our well-being and allows me to be a more patient and loving mother.
Whether you are an introverted person or not, you may need that time to unwind and let your mind go blank before you drift off to sleep.
Tell me, do you stay up late after your kids have gone to bed so you can have alone time?
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
Celeb says
Thanks darling, amazing it was a year ago now x
priti says
Yes very much every day and this moment its simply wonderful feeling.
Dodi says
❤
Chris says
Totally me 🙃🙃🙃
Dodi says
🌸
Stacey says
I am the mom to 12 yr old triplets. I work three days a week at a local school in a kindergarten classroom,attend college fulltime and own a business. This business caused me to travel every weekend all over the US.
This article sums up my life perfectly. Every night I tell myself I will go to bed earlier and every night I stay up until an unreasonable hour just to get some quiet time to myself. I am so exhausted all the time but just cannot bring myself to get in bed earlier.
Dodi says
I completely agree ❤❤❤
Dodi says
I totally stay up TOO late just so I can have some alone time 🙁
Jackie says
Yes I have fallen in the routine of staying up at least an hour after everyone has gone to bed (most nights)
Trying to change that…I get about 7 hours asleep and can get a little more if I stop staying up lol
Melanie says
This is when phones don’t ring, people don’t NEED me, where I find my breath, when I shed my tears, where I remember who the person in the mirror is.❤️
Bridgette Cole says
Wow. Just wow . Perfect Xx
Angela says
Oh my gosh yes I do stay up late. My husband thinks I’m crazy for staying up late when I’m exhausted and he goes to bed at 10pm. I work full time come home to hungry kids wanting ally attention so yes the only time I have to myself is after every one is asleep. Thank you for this I know I’m not alone or crazy for staying up late.
Lisa says
I always have for all the reasons you’ve stated. Still do even though there’s only one 19 year old left at home!
Julie says
Me too, absolutely!! Even though my youngest at home is 15. I definitely need the quiet alone time after a day of being a School speech language pathologist, a mom, a wife and a daughter.
Annie says
Night time is my only peace and quiet. I can literally sit on the couch in utter silence and do nothing. It is refreshing after hearing mom a million times.
Amanda says
It does not change as they get older. My kids are 12, 15, 19. And I still stay up late, like tonight. Working all day and then coming home to chores and running them around, making dinners, I just force myself to stay awake to enjoy being home in a clean, quite house. I should sleep but, this is the ONLY me time I ever get.
Theresa says
This is my story! A few years ago I decided that this is what works for me and what I need to do to keep sane (homeschooling mom to 4 kids). I used to feel so guilty…there was always do much to be done. I decided to give myself permission to stay up and watch my show or read my book or scroll Facebook, etc… without the guilt! It’s wonderful and so much more enjoyable to stay up and recharge guilt free😊. #amomsgottadowhatamomsgottado
Nancy says
Oh, gosh!!!! Yes!!!! It’s essential!!
Connie says
Super late! The quiet is just to nice to give up quickly!!
Lyn says
Absolutely always and often .., especially Christmas Eve as I surveyed all the effort I’d put in over the weeks before and it was all laid out in front of me .. it was such a magic moment of contemplation and gratitude in front of the stocked tree , the decorated house. Although exhaustion definitely reigned it was so special !!!. My boys are all growing too big now and the magic has gone a little bit that feeling comes back to me so clear just about brings a tear to my eyes ! I hope I have created beautiful memories for them .
Brock Hayden says
I am a 40 year old stay at home mom with a 21 year old(+ a 2 year old grandson) an 19 year old who just graduated high school as well as an 17 year old and a 15 year old all living at home still with a husband who works long hours my house is always noisy and full of people the only alone time I get is to stay up late and take time for me ….. so I totally understand and even as I get older time for self becomes more enjoyable… thanks for listening sincerely wife of 1 mother of 4 grandmother of a spunky 2 year old…..
Genesis says
I’m guilty! I have a lot of pent up stress that grows daily. At night is when I can plan things out for the next day, week, month..I can get caught up on bills and manage expenses. I cry from time to time too. A feel good, it’s gunna get better cry. I pray, reflect and definitely get caught up on all my shows.
Natalie says
So here is my unhealthy pattern cause I know I’m not getting the REM sleep I need. I crash, I mean crash on the couch once these crazy boys go to sleep. I’d say finally around 9. Then wake up around 2:30. Turn on the overnight news usually it’s CBS cause they do a great job of current and human interest stories. Then stay awake until about 4:30 am then grab the next 1 to 2 hours left of of sleep. It’s so amazing to watch this program without being ‘on duty’. But has shown to wear me down with this lack of important sleep time. Ugh, I know what I need to do. But it’s just so wonderful a time to change!
Angie C. says
I love alone time with a glass of wine by the fire pit once my boy/girl 4 year old twins and 8 year old daughter are in bed. As a single, working mom I feel like I’m constantly un “go” mode. By the fire, the laundry and chores disappear, music comes on and for a little while I get peace.
Angie says
I do that every night x its my down time and relax so i can go to sleep when i go to bed x
Kelly says
(Looking in mirror): Reality check, wives, moms of any age offspring.
Not getting enough sleep, for “alone” time?
I’ll see you in the Alzheimer’s ward. But before that, in line at the marriage counselor’s waiting room. But before that, at the endocronologist’ office..,
I’m going to change my ways to ward of at least one of the “grims” above. Gotta go. It’s past my bedtime!
Kelly says
Nice typos.
Why, thank you!
Jodie says
Nearly every night chocolate a cup of tea and TV remote to myself
LO says
I stay up late every night no matter how tired I am. It’s my “quiet” time.
Sheila says
I stay up way to late, and typically am tired because of it. This is our alone time together, without it, we wouldn’t get this time together.
Claire Moorhead says
This is so why I’m a night owl!!! I actually hate mornings and all the dramas that happen at breakfast alone with my 5!
No one understands why if you’re tired you just don’t go to bed! Loads gets done in the peace and quiet of midnight!
Kelli says
Every single night! I use the time to watch videos or play games on my phone or tablet.
Alanna says
Yes! I LOVE this time of night. I often find myself waking up on the couch because I fell asleep and was too tired to stay awake to read or watch all of my TV show! My oldest are 13 (twins) and my youngest 7…..she still likes me to snuggle with her at night. If I make it out of her bed awake, I head back downstairs to fold laundry and watch some of MY TV. I hear we will “miss these days”….LOL! I won’t ever miss folding laundry but everything else YES!
Gabby says
Yes, yes I do…it’s really the only time I can really relax and like you wrote, eat without them askibg for a piece or keep getting up to get them what they need and your food sits there waiting. I need to sometimes watch my guilty pleasures and read a book.
Elizabeth says
Yes….. I have 2 teenagers and twin 2 year olds. I actually look forward to them going to bed, my house being dark and quiet…
Teresa says
Oh yes I do!
The house is quiet , hear the nighttime outside, a cup of tea or a glass of wine and the kitchen island is clean and clear . Heaven !
Frances says
This is me! My husband sometimes feels sad that I don’t want to lay down at the same time as him, but I need this time. I usually end up passing out on the couch to some romcom on Netflix.
Liz says
Completely relate. My brain is shut down but I need mindless alone time to watch a sappy movie. It doesn’t matter how utterly exhausted you are it seems like no one else could relate to this extra time you need to shut down and just be because all day long it’s your mind thoughts and actions these kids rely on. Oh yes and if there is a significant other….that person too.
Terry says
I usually did, made lunches, watched news in peace and quiet. Also got my clothes ready for next day, and/or dinner organized. Could get so much done, because of no interruptions, and made morning a little less crazy
Leisha says
Hand up this is me! I polish off a slab, maybe a glass of vino and flip through the channels, ah peace ✌️
Jada says
I’m always the last one to bed. My husband calls it a night a good 2 hrs before I do most times. It used to bother him until I explained why I need that down time. I just wish I could have it at a more convenient time of day when I’m not utterly spent.
Jenny says
Totally! And my hubby thinks I’m crazy. 😊 Of course, as they get older, they want to stay up with you sometimes. Especially if they are home schooled. But, those are fond memories too. 😊
Coty says
I have been doing this for years. Even though my kids are in school, I still do this because during the day I try to get house work done and run errands everywhere. So the only time I can focus on myself is after everyone is in bed and there is nothing pressing to get done. Love this! ❤
Kerr says
I can relate. I too stay up late
Tim says
My wife stays up late for a few reasons. 1 being alone time, another being her body isn’t in sleep mode yet even though we are both tired. Sometimes I’ll go to bed earlier and leave her to it. Other times I’ll go to bed same time as the kids and get up a few hours later to spend some time together in front of a favourite tv program. I’ll then help with final routines around the house and go to bed together.
Mel says
Hi, I find early morning better for me. I get up before everyone else to get my stuff done and on weekends to watch catch up before my little man wakes up!
Kim says
Yes!!! I loved that quiet time when everyone else was in bed! Sometimes I’d watch TV, craft, clean, etc. So nice to do whatever without being interrupted!! Now that my kids are older, I don’t feel I need those late nights as much!!
Traci says
This is so me. I’m routinely up until midnight reading or watching something. Alone. By My Self. Even though I’m tired, and my husband (who goes to bed at 10am and wakes at 6) thinks I’m making myself tired and i’d be fine if I just went to bed earlier… lol!
Maria Marques says
I totally relate to that.
Betsy says
I TOTALLY stay up late. Longer than I should at times. Is it my need to for quiet and alone time? Yes! It is also my defiant teenage self giving a “bedtime” the middle finger. However, I should scale back on the late night ice cream. My scales are starting to scream at me too..
Tanya says
I get up at 4am instead of staying up late.
GIH says
My kids are grown up and gone. But I have retired husband just like a kid. We also need some alone time.🐲❤💞
Clarisell says
Yup! Totally me! 🙋♀️
Lisa McDonald says
Yes!!! All the time! The hubs in bed too, usually asks “please come to bed, babe, your so tired, you should get your sleep”, in the kindest but non-comprehending (clueless) way, God love him. My favorite part is the quiet, just quiet. Ahhh…
Many thanks for your sharing what we are all going through.
Michelle F says
Definitely!! I am so guilty of this every single day… I stay awake for as long as I possibly can until it’s nearly impossible to stay awake any longer… this is my only quiet time and my only time for me to reflect on me and have “me” time… regardless of how sleep deprived I might be… plus unfortunately it’s usually the only time I actually get to eat a real meal in peace and quiet, which is also wonderful 😊
Laurie says
Sure do and I get to watch Shameless..lol
Sarah says
That is totally me also. I need that time to just be alone.
Angela says
This is so me too! However the dog got me up super early this morning, I’m realizing that mornings alone are also sooo nice!
Rittika says
You are so me.😆😀.
Teresa says
I do all the time. Love the peace and quiet.
Heather g says
All the time. Sometimes it’s totally me time. Sometimes it’s those tasks like balancing the checkbook in peace.
Sarah W. says
100% me!! If I don’t have this time, the following morning doesn’t typically go well. Thanks for sharing!!!
Peggy says
Oh, my goodness, YES! This is soooo me! I live for that quiet time when my kids (9, 11 and 14) finally go to bed so I can have me ME time. It’s the only time I can get in some uninterrupted reading time without losing my place ir knitting without losing a stitch. I’ve spoken to several other mom-friends who are the same way. I also like that I’m the first one up in the morning. Love that quiet before the storm.
Heather says
Yessssss. Even before the pandemic, I needed that alone time, no matter how brief. Now, I would not survive without it! Is is hard to get up at 6:30/7:00 the next morning? Sure. But if I don’t take that time for muddled, I’ll wake up grumpier, and no one wants that. 😉
Kathy says
Yes I try to I’m a mom of 5 beautiful kids I just had my fifth child 5 months ago and things have been very Rocky with the husband….. He don’t seem to understand why I’m up late after they all go to bed. And why I sleep downstairs with the two youngest ones while I let him go upstairs to the bed when he has to get up in am for work… I’m a breasts feeding mom also. So I keep th down stairs so they don’t wake him up but get I still get crap from him about being close and the (personal life) you know what I mean by that…. I take care of all the kids picking up toys none stop vacuuming dishes and cooking and laundry running the errands do the grocery shopping for my house and my mother and a 81 year old woman I also take care of my dissabled mother doing things for her….. I also was bringing my husband lunch everyday at his work so I would load up all the kids then bring him his lunch and then sit there for his half hour lunch but yet I still get told I’m ungrateful and I’m cheating and I don’t care about him and his needs ….. he gets home from work then goes right up stairs and takes a tub for about an hour then comes down and starts fights with me then he’ll take off and go to his sisters house and stay there for 4,5,6 hours then come home when it’s time for him to go to bed and I’m still up trying to get all the kids to bed…one day he started a fight with me first thing In am and then took off and was gone for 14 1/2 hours…. Any mom’s out there have any advice….. Sorry if I Over stepped this post……
Andrea says
Staying up late has literally been my sanity saver in all this. A little social media (yea right, a lot) reading, tv, snacking my true ME time.
Jai says
I am also someone who needs some quiet, alone time in the evening after everyone has gone to bed. The only problem is that when I got into this habit, my bed time got later and later each year as my children got older and stayed up later and later. I am now up until midnight just because I’ve always done it that way for so many years.
Emily Lauren says
100%! I get up early but always go to bed late because I need some time by myself…to recharge!
Jessie B. says
Heck yes i stay up late after the kids go to bed! My husband stays up too, but this is really the only time i can watch TV shows that are inappropriate for the younglings to see.
Anna Miller says
Oh, I can not do this. I have to get my sleep at night. But I do put my daughter down at 5 PM so I can have alone time after that. Same concept but I can’t stay up late.
Sandy Archer.. says
Yes ,, always have stayed up late during time I raised my 7 kids.,,, Now raising a grandchild I still do that. I used to watch Mary Hartman late…. or Johnny , Now watch Cobert , or the others.