When you become a parent you do so many disgusting things you never imagined. It’s bad enough that you have to wipe the poop off of someone’s butt for a solid two and a half years or so, but did you ever realize you’d be wearing that poop?
I know dads do a lot of these same things, so don’t take offense gentlemen. It’s just that moms seem to be the ones doing so many of the cringe-worthy acts. It’s as if our bodies somehow evolve when we give birth and suddenly snot and vomit don’t ignite our gag reflexes like they once did. (affiliate links included)
Here are ten things so profoundly disgusting that only a mom (or an awesome dad) would do them:
2. Smell things to determine what they are. Is that poop? Did you just throw up? There’s only one way to tell.
3. Stick your hand in the toilet – flushed or not. Those pacifiers aren’t going to retrieve themselves.
4. Smell someone’s butt. The easiest way to determine if someone has soiled a diaper is to shove your face up against it and take a deep breath. Yep, that’s poop.
5. Wear baby spit-up with no intention of changing. Yes, I know I have spit-up on the front of my t-shirt. I can smell it, too. But what’s the point of changing when I’m going to be spit on again in 20 minutes?
7. Allow your kids to throw up on you. One time my son was sick and started throwing up on me. I just sat there and held him. I quickly moved into the bathtub before the second round hit but never once did I push him away from me. I held him close and let the vomit soak into my sweatshirt. He needed to feel comforted much more than I needed fresh clothes.
8. Investigate poop. The color, the amount, the texture… these things tell us a lot about our kids’ bellies so it’s an important thing to pay attention to. It also usually gives us a little too much insight into their last meal. Oh, I can see you had blueberries for lunch.
9. Clean their face with your spit. A good spit shine works just as well as a wet wipe.
10. Catch their unwanted, chewed up food in your hands. “Eww I don’t like this!” and then they lean over and spit the food into your hand before you have a chance to hand them a napkin. I’ll never understand why my hand is consistently their choice of trash receptacle.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
I am absolutely cracking up. My kids are all teenagers now, but I have done each and every one of those things over and over and over. I’ve dealt with a lot of gross stuff, but after all these years nothing seems all that gag-worthy! I’m always on vomit duty, but the last time my daughter was sick, my husband did actually step INSIDE the bathroom (that’s the closest he’s ever been) and ask if we needed anything. I was going to ask him to wet a washcloth for us, but I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to throw it close enough for me to pick up. ; )
I’ve raised 7 kids…and seen everything u describe…but there is one thing u left out about disgusting things..that is changing a diaper and having ur kid (especially boys) piss in ur face..and also have ur kid crap all over u while changing them
That is the funniest thing I ever read! I laughed so hard I cried. Thanks for that. 🙂
Lmbo!!! Yup….I have had that happen;)
ive had all of those things happen..
but this… i hope this never happens to me ahaha
ROFL – one of my kids would projectile poop whenever I changed her diaper – she didn’t do it to DH – just me….
Yep….during bath….straight shot right into my ear! Baby style “wet willy”
Oh I remember that one well but i had my mouth open at the time, love is…..
I definitely agree little boys are definitely good at long distance peeing.. and I’ve definitely had to “catch” if you will the pee before it go all over everything else or place a diaper or hover my hand over to make sure it didn’t get too much all over the place
that happened to mne too 🙂
Had to give my child an enema.
Had to hold a tray while he vomited black coal in ER after eating poisonous matter.
Had to extract a tick from the back of his neck.
Yep done every single one! Hilarious! BUT, one more forgotten one. And I know all you ladies have had this happen and who would bother to throw it out?
“Floaties” in your drink.
Need I say more?
She missed a couple…or maybe I’m the only one? But 1) what happens when little one gets a small cut or scratch on a finger? It automatically goes in my mouth, of course, blood, dirt and all. 2) Moms kiss booboos, blood, dirt, scabs and all…we put our lips right there on it!
I’ve heard that Momma’s spit had the same chemical makeup as 409. 😉
Caught throw up in my hands so it wouldn’t get on the person holding my baby.
This list is spot on! How about this one: wipe crumbs off your childs mouth and after seeing there is no proper place to wipe it (you don’t want to wipe on your clothes if you don’t have to) eat it yourself. Yup, I’ve done that one alot.
I have done this many times without even realizing it! I don’t really like for food to touch on my plate, I don’t like certain textures, if I find gristle in my meat I can’t eat the rest, but somehow this was just normal, lol
I am so with ya on textures!! Gristle is the worst…one bite…im done!!
Mee too hahaha…if I see it or bite it then it’s game over!
My husband does that one for me haha
I have done everything on this list! I agree though, I don’t know how many times I have eaten crumbs, left overs or food that has been spit into my hand. Something I never would have done before my daughter!
I do this all the time too especially if my son just spit it out because he doesnt like it. Hey i don’t mind at all, he is my child anyway! Lol
Me to lmao
LOL one day without actually thinking, i gave my daughter a bite of mac n cheese that was too hot (oops) and she spit it out, back on to her spoon because it all happened so fast, and i don’t know how i managed to do it but it went right in my mouth haha!
We were out one time and I had given my son skittles and after chewing them up he decided he didn’t want to swallow them so he spit them out in my hand. We were in line to get Patrick Stewarts (StarTrek actor) autograph and there was not a trash can in sight! I totally ate those chewed up skittles my 2 year old spit back out!
Taking kid to see Patrick Stewart = parenting WIN, no matter what slimy candy you had to swallow!
Yep, Waste not, want not! 😉
Been there, done all that! Ha!
I never once thought about it but you are right. We seem to be alright with any gross thing we have to do for our children. I still remember getting up 3 am, change the diaper, feed the baby and expect her to go back to sleep. But no, she has a clean butt and full tummy and she wants to play now.
Was so my daughter also! 3am, time to play!
Just stopping by from Live with Moore Babies… This list is soooo funny I love it!!!
Think I’ve done most of these, aside form the catching sick…thankfully my son wasn’t ever really sicky.
What’s astounding, is I don’t think my husband’s done any of them. He doesn’t even do nose wiping with a tissue…just passes child over to me to wipe. Lovely.
Great post
Man have I caught some vomit, I’ve even caught vomit, stepped in the bathroom to remove my shirt real quick and wash my hands, and held my baby while I took an online accounting test, got 92% too, responsibilities and sick babies don’t wait.
I think I’m in the minority because my husband has done all of these – except he’s useless if it involves vomit. If you even say “vomit” he gags. Lol! This list is brilliant! Funny stuff 🙂
Im not a mum but i am the oldest of 5 and our mum works away from home wile my dad runs a business so i was like the mother i can say i agree i have done everything except vomit haha thats dads job i tend to go the other way when i see that haha
You’ll make an awesome mom sweetie!!
Im guilty of 9 out 10 myself btwn my two kids.
This is sooooo funny,and so true! Love it!
Too funny!
This is gross, but I have done this many times n still do. When I’m feeding my toddler and she dsnt feel like finishing the bite, I allow the chewed up, soggy saliva filled bite fall into my hands and put it in my mouth. Whoes going to run for a spare plate or a napkin or trash can…?!! My husband is grossed out about this.
so glad i am not the only one who does that i also put the baby food spoon in my mouth to clean it so i can set it down next to me to save a run to the kitchen my husband is so grossed out by that
Hah, my sister does that with her l/o. I get grossed out, but am now expecting my first. I’m sure I will end up doing all of these.
One time my youngest daughter was sick and throwing up and we had a bucket but she was week and I had her in my lap. She puked on me and my husband almost did too. He tried to yell at her and she just looked at him with these sad sick eyes and I said if he didn’t like it he could go we were going to be just fine where we were. When she settled down I laid her on a towel and went to change as soon as I got back she covered me again. My husband left that time. I laughed then and I am laughing now. Later when all was well he told me I was a better man then he ever would be. I just told him I knew that because I was a Woman and MOM!!
So very true.
I’m a man. I’ve done almost all these things.
Maybe in your house. In my house, managing the grossest of the gross is pure dad territory!
When my son was a few weeks old he had a really bad cold & was so stuffed up. He was having a hard time breating & I couldn’t find that nasal aspirator so I just sucked the snot out & spit it in a tissue.
Also chewed up food for my kids & fed it to them.
Just for your future information, you could always blow into their mouth and the snot will come out of their nose. You may get some on your cheek but it won’t have to enter your mouth. That one really grossed me out lol!!
You should never blow into a child’s mouth, especially if their nose is blocked. The air could travel down into their lungs causing overinflation or it could go into their tummies causing them to vomit. CPR is the only time this would be warranted.
I’ve done this one too. Today actually lol
I’ve done both of those.
LOL. I’ve chewed food for my kids when they were babies too. Grossed my husband out no end, but hey, they wanted some pizza too! I figured, she came out of me, so my spit wouldn’t hurt her a bit.
You win! Yuck!!
Haven’t wiped their noses with my bare hands, but I have checked a few diapers that way and held some sick kids.
I’ve done all of those except cleaning a little face with spit. I draw the line there.
lol
I will suck snot out of my kids nose if I cant find a nose aspirator and I will chew up food if it is something they want to try and they don’t have any teeth, rinse out the poopy cloth diapers out in the toilet
The first time I told my daughter that rinsing a poopy cloth diaper out in the toilet was the way it used to be done,she about lost it. And without gloves. Guess she thought there were always disposables.
I have had to clean nasty poopy diapers in a toilet also. It was the only way back then!
I’ve also sucked out snot from my daughters nose! That’s probably the grossest thing Ive done..but hey girls gotta breathe!
When my first child, Frankie, was sick and congested, I couldn’t get him to sit comfy enough for the nasal sucker to do its job. I was fearful that he would not be able to breath in his sleep, so I did the only logical thing at the time. I sucked it out myself. Yup. I used my mouth and used only enough suction To relieve his symptoms. A moms gotta do what a moms gotta do.
When my youngest son was a baby, he was projectile puking and it came out his nose and mouth. He couldn’t breathe. I ran for the aspirator as I, frantically, yelled for hubby to do something. He totally sucked his nostrils clean of vomit, snot and all.. twice to get it cleared. Then proceeded to puke on the floor. Good man.
Hahahahahaha!! OMG!!!! He wins the father of the year award. That’s amazing!
BAWAAHAAA. Awww he is a really good daddy.
My little 1 year old boy ( at the time ) did the same thing in the middle of the night. He was on his back asleep, vomited and was blue when my husband just happened to wake up and hear him thrashing around in the bed. He somehow cleared his nose and throat and he lived. You pretty much do anything when you’re trying to save them.
My best friend is a mother of five and I am still on my first. We were chatting as I was getting ready to go home one day and I had been holding onto a sock my daughter discarded sometime earlier. As I was collecting her things, I picked up her sippy cup and seeing there was some sort of food substance on it, I quickly wiped off the spout with the cleaner part of the sock. My friend just looked at me and laughed and said, “not too many first-time moms do that!”
I remember when my son was 4 months old he had a horrible stomach bug, tons of diahria well when I had him my lap I saw that he was going so I said to my self ok I’ll let him finish then I’ll change him well by the time he was finished I was there comforting him with diahria all over me. But it didn’t bother me one bit because I was more worried for him than my clothes!
fathers do exactly the same thing, at least were i am coming from.
Prior to meeting my adopted daughter, I drove myself nuts wondering if I would be as comfortable with all of the “gross” mom jobs as I was with my bio. kid. Fortunately, it became clear immediately that besides doing “gross” duties, I would also willingly walk through fire for her. Now she’s a teen and even a kiss for her ol’ mom is on her “ewww gross” list.
Parenting led to my job, working in a preschool, (“birth” to 5 yrs.) I can always tell when I have achieved a special affection for one of our infants – when their boogers get removed sans tissue. (Immediately followed by a major handwashing however.) Smelling butts is practically a job requirement.
I remember changing my little guy in the public bathroom at the library. One diaper left and had on his last change of clothes. As soon as the cool aor met his undiapered peenie he let loose a fountain! The only thing handy for some reason was my jacket which stopped the fountain and saved both of our cloths 🙂 looking forward to my second son, due any day now and the laughs he will bring me.
P.S. the jacket was washable and was an easy clean 🙂
Use baby wipes for cleaning when you should be using clorex wipes or Lysol lol
My friend and I were discussing how when our (now college-age) kids were babies, we used to bite their finger- and toenails because we were so afraid of cutting them witht those scissors. Apparently this is considered gross, at least to her daughter who overheard us! 🙂
I bite my babies nails all the time while I’m nursing her, so much easier than clippers. Didn’t know it was gross haha. Those things get sharp, sometimes I will file them.
Who in the heck can get a child to sit still for clippers??? Somehow they’re more still and you have more control biting than clipping. It’s just logic really. 😉
My mom told me to do that. My husband and mother In law think its weird but hey, it gets the job done.
How about eating a half soggy slobber gold fish out of there hand when they are “sharing”
My son loves “sharing” his cereal.. He will give me a cheerio(orwhatever he is eating), and i just smile, chew it up, and say “thank u”.. 🙂
Oh man, shared toddler food is the best, always a bit of dirt or slobber for seasoning!
How about cleaning poop out of thr bathtub/shower/baby tub. I couldnt do it…..I dont know why it was different when it wasn’t in a diaper but I gagged. His grandpa got it.
I put my son in the tub with me for the first time, had him leaned against me and saw his body starting to tighten, I called mom (I was visiting from out of state) to take the baby. Just as she walked in, he relaxed and a huge ‘Baby Ruth’ (Caddyshack reference) floated to the top of the water. I’m trying to hand her the baby, but she just reached in and grabbed the poop and threw it in the toilet.
its not on your list. but this happened to me, with my soon to be 19 yearold daughter. middle of the night breast feeding/diaper change, dont do this in the dark while sitting on a water bed because she started to pee before i got the new diaper under her , i had to wake up dad to help.
I have no kids, but have done several of these things as a childcare worker. Most memorable was when a 2 year old boy was sick and I was rocking with him in my lap sitting on the floor when he suddenly stood up and threw up all over me. I couldn’t do anything but rub his back and tell him his mom would be there soon. Luckily I had a change of clothes in my car and changed. But I went back and held him and within a few minutes he did it again. My husband thought I was crazy because I just changed again and held him again until his mom got there (2 hrs after my shift ended), but it broke my heart and I didn’t even think twice about it.
I am also a child care worker with no children of my own. I have done most if not all of those things. Working with those children for so many hours a day, it seems as if they belong to you. You would do anything for them that you would your own children.
Awesome that you care for them as your own!!!!
That is where I would want my children cared for. That little one was blessed to have you.
One time my baby was so sick, she threw up like a fountain and goes into my mouth. And she looks at me wondering (she’s around 6-7mos old) whats that on your face? And embrace her while shouting out loud to my wife… HEEEELLLPPP!!. One of the best thing happened to me during her baby days.
My husband was laughing at my sons cute face while changing his diaper once, we all know what happens when cold air meets little boy parts, poor dad got a mouthful on that one!
I was holding my son up in the air one time when he let loose and threw up in my mouth. I didn’t lose it but was sure glad I was near the sink.
I nannied for a family for six months right after the mom returned to work from maternity leave. The mom breastfed the baby and pumped milk so that I could bottle feed her throughout the day. One day after I fed her, I began to play with her and without thinking, I lifted her up above my head (airplane style) and she proceeded to spit up right into my wide open smiling mouth. I quickly lowered her back down, laid her on her playmat and proceeded to calmly walk to the kitchen sink to spit and rinse and garggle everything out of my mouth. I have never missed my toothbrush so intensely (I did not live with them, but commuted an hour instead). Half digested breastmilk that wasn’t even mine is incredibly gross. That said, I hope I never do that when I have my own children and it is my breastmilk. Ew.
I have done most if not all of these. Even before having my four kids. Working in child care I had been puked and peed on etc. I remember my daughter ( now almost 15 years old ) was sick and had puked all over her crib. I cleaned her up first and handed her over to her dad while I cleaned up the rest. She started puking again and her dad held her at arms length. I took her from him and cuddled her telling him this is all she wants right now.
When i was a teen my mom had a baby. I was playing with him by holding him up in the air and he spit up and it landed right in my mouth.
Once, my middle child began walking, he brought me several round balls of “chocolate.”. I willingly opened my hand and accepted them with a smile, knowing full well they were turds from his diaper…
LOL!
My first baby was always severely constipated. I’ve dug poop out of his bottom before. Then when he was a toddler and wanted a hotdog, he would only eat down to where it met his hand. I got tired of seeing food wasted and thought I’d finish it. YUK! Sweaty hotdogs are nasty! I had to adopt a dog for this chore!
Guilty!
Wow, this is hilarious! The “let me get your booger” made me laugh the hardest, because I usually say that on a daily basis.
i am ALWAYS telling my daughter i want her boogers; i thought i was the only one! this list def sums up a mommy; daddy does do ALOT for/with her too, but i think in general i prob do the more gross things
well as a dad i have done all of these
I’m a dad, and I’ve done every single one of these.
I love seeing all the comments from the dad’s on here 🙂
Why did you think we couldn’t read either?
Put a pacifier, spoon, etc in my mouth to “wash it off” when we weren’t near a sink to wash it.
I was conversing with some fellow (single and no kids) co workers the other day about how gorgeous their purses were and then I pointed to my old, frayed, 6 year old coach purse. “It still works, this baby has been through a lot. A couple months ago my daughter was sick and had to do a strep test at the doctor, well I guess the nurse gagged her because the next thing I know it was a fountain of throw up directed right into my purse”. It was the last nice thing from “single-and-no-kids” days. Then both of the ladies together scrunched their noses and said “GAAAAROSS” “I would have just thrown it away. I said “um, no! You better believe I took a tooth brush to that purse and cleaned all the vomit off it, TWICE. All while crying that my poor purse would never be the same but also, my poor baby was so sick”. All and all, I’d give her every last nice thing I owned to throw up in, as long
My daughter is older now. I am fortunate that my husband and I shared pretty equally in the nasty, gross things department when she was younger. He didn’t change poopy diapers very often, because they made him gag terribly. It was a fair trade, though. From very early on, if she was going to vomit, she wanted Daddy, and only Daddy.
I have no kids and there’s vomit thing grosses mass out that is the only thing that scares me about having kids.
Prior to becoming a mom, I had a fairly weak stomach. The smell of vomit or sound of someone getting sick would make me instantly nauseous. I was, like you, concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle it when I had kids. I now have a two year old and when she was so sick that she was throwing up every 15 minutes, I was the one who held her the entire time. I kept a bucket in the bedroom and held her over it when i could tell she needed to, but more than once, it came suddenly and I just held her, rubbing her back and telling her it would be okay. <3
Anyone else pick up a pacifer from the floor and blow on it then stick it back in the toddler’s mouth? Then my husband would babysit while I went to the store and if the baby pooped in her diaper (back when cloth diapers were IN), he’d just drop it in the stool and save it for me! Chicken!
I have done all of these, my husband on the other hand is normally the grossed out one…can’t share food or handle it when snobbery hands or mouth touch him..but the other night I was working overnights and got a call at 1am telling me to get home the 2 year old was puking…when I got home 45 minutes later hubby was sitting in the chair rocking sick kiddo covered in vomit..thought he deserved kudos for that one…
….don’t forget to try and catch your son’s pee , when he’s sleep- peeing somewhere in his room. I know, I know, I can’t “catch” pee, but that’s just my 1st instinct! lol!
I’ve done that a couple times along with 7/10 on the list lol the joys of being mommy..
Hilarious! I stepped in poop today with my bare feet. My potty-training son’s underpants are extra big, for easy on and offs, and sometimes the little accidents that sneak by roll right down his leg before he takes his pants off. It was on the floor, I didn’t see it, and in my foot went. And I only cleaned it up with a flushable wipe. 🙂
My son has cronic constipation so the doctor told me that I need to stimulate his anus by circling a thermometer tip in his bum. This is a weekly thing I have to do while changing his diaper. His changing table is by the window and one day (about the time that school gets out) a crowd of teens were walking by his bedroom window right while I was stumulating a BM. The teens were looking at me with a shocked/terrified/disgusted expression…. I will forever be known around the block as THAT CREEPY LADY… Oh the joys of motherhood.
OH MY GOSH this has be ROLLING I can’t even breathe…..
Omgosh!! That’s too funny!! But I can relate. I too have helped my son push poop when he’s constipated. Like fully hands on helping! Never did I think I would do something like that in my life!!! The joy of motherhood!
Guilty on 10/10 counts of being a mom. I never realized how gross it was being a mom until you pointed it out haha, I’ve got 3 boys ages 11, 9 and 2-1/2. I’ve done some down right nasty stuff in the name of being the mom of boys.. Yuk lol
I eat ‘floor raisins’ (Cheerios, rice cake pieces…) before my 1 year old can!
Ah yes. The moment when your lying next to your 1yo daughter trying to get her to sleep and she does that cough, that I’m gunna vomit cough. As the fountain erupts you pick her up and cuddle her to you, only thinking of her comfort and making sure she doesn’t choke, whilst your hair, back, clothes and face are covered in chuck. That’s the moment you go ‘I am a mummy’ and then proceed to kiss her beautiful face as you head to the bathroom to clean up.
I haven’t done number 9 yet ( though I hope I don’t I HATED it when my mom did it to me) but my kids are still little little (3 and almost 1) so there is still time lol I am guilty of catching throw up or spit up in my hands though lol of shoving finger down kids throat to get whatever object they have now managed to get past me and proceed to choke on (mostly rocks with my 1yr old and it was pennies with my now 3yr old lol) at one time (it will NEVER happen again) my daughter was 3-4 months old and I was holding her in air above my head she was laughing so I was laughing with her til she threw up and it landed in my mouth, normally id have thought id puke but nope I calmly gave her to her dad (who was gagging and laughing ) and went to bathroom to spit it out wash out mouth and brush teeth (3 times) lol I hope to never experience that again
Yep. I’ve licked my 10month olds fingers cause i didnt have a wipe or napkin right there. Lol
Omgosh!! I do this to my son all the time!! And I wonder why he always wants to put his fingers in my mouth! lol
Did it all except stick hands in toilet, and my kids were not diapers until 2 1/2. Never heard of such an age to still be in diapers. My kids were all in underwear by age 2, one was 19 months.
Lots of kids are still in diapers at age 2…where the hell are u from?! Lol
For real… most kids I know are in diapers at least that long
Lucky! My kiddo has sensory issues so while he stopped using them around three, he wore pull-ups until he was 4, now he can handle boxer-briefs during the day, night time he goes comando lol.
10/10! With three boys, you can’t miss even one disgusting thing. 🙂
This made me LAUGH because it’s true! Love it.
I used to clean my son’s pacifier by putting it in my mouth. I haven’t been puked on but did the rest on list.
My girls are 23 and 30…and I *still* do #10.
We become Super Mom the day the babies are born. I remember doing those things when my boys were babies. The most gross task that didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would was when my son, who was not yet 1, had diarrhea & a bad diaper rash. The remedy given by our seasoned pediatrician was to clean his rear with my hands, soap & water, (since wipes would further irritate the rash). Ewww! I thought, but I did it. Let him air dry for awhile then applied Flanders Butt Paste. Rash cleared up quickly. Oh the things we will do for our precious little people!
We become Super Mom the day the babies are born. I remember doing those things when my boys were babies. The most gross task that didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would was when my son, who was not yet 1, had diarrhea & a bad diaper rash. The remedy given by our seasoned pediatrician was to clean his poopy rear with my hands, soap & water, (since wipes would further irritate the rash). Ewww! I thought, but I did it. Let him air dry for awhile then applied Flanders Butt Paste. Rash cleared up quickly. Oh the things we will do for our precious little people!
My hubby had to clean up poo in the bath tub bc my one year decided she wanted to poo during her bath. Yuk!!!
I was running into town for a quick errand so I didn’t restock the diaper bag, now my sister always told me a “as sure and you forget the diaper bag there will always be disaster” and boy was she right, I had 1 diaper 1 wipe and explosive diarrhea in the back seat of my car. I remember pulling over to an empty parking lot and changing her diaper with one wipe and having to rinse it off with my half empty bottle of water. When I got back home there was poop all over the car, me and my 6 month old baby.
I now have several grandkids now, but when I was raising my own kids, my unmarried, childless friend called me and asked me what I was doing. To told her I was on a crap hunt! For those of you who don’t know what a crap hunt is, I will enlighten you. My last 2 kids, who were 11 months apart, were both sick at the same time. You know, diahrea, vomiting, fevers! Well, Erika had a particularly full and disgusting diaper, the contents of which did not stay put! I was literally on my hands and knees on my brown carpet trying to find all the little dribbles of poop she left all over the house! To this day, whenever I see my friend, she will never fail to ask me if I’ve been ob any good crap hunts lately!
Well mommies I do think mine may be the grossest of all grosses.
My 2.5 yr old son at the age of 12 months learned the taking off diaper game. So if me and daddy overslept just a few minutes over you best beileved that we would be having a poo poo party lol. He would have that poop on him from his head to his toes, in his mouth, all over in his crib, on the floor and oh yes ON THE WALLS. And now we are trying to potty train him. We tell him, when you are done poopooing dont get up just call us and we will come help you blean your booty lol. he tris to help sometimes and forgets to call one of us and starts painting the walls and tolete, his the bathmatts and himself..wheew ans this boy has the most nastyest smelling poop ever…
My daughter did that and hers was horrible smelling
My little guy started sneaking his used diapers into the heat vents, oh my gosh the smell still haunts me, that was not something they included in the parenting class!
Im guilty of all of them!!! My son is bad bout sittin or playin in a poopie diaper, so that is the most used number… But he also likes 2 give me the food he doesnt want.. I love him so much that I over look all the “gross” stuff.. But I do have a fair share of each of them!!!
When the little one drops the binky on the ground I pick it up and put it in my mouth before I give it back to him. Don’t this with both my boys. My husband gags lol
I use to do the same when my boys were babies lol
ive done all these plus caught poop in my hand when hubby went to hand our ds2 to me in the tub…he was only a cpl weeks old and i refused to have to draw another bath(no more hhot water) so i caught it. luckily my husband can do vomit because once the kids hit 2yrs im a social puker lol.
Me too no puke for me i hope my husband can or no kids for me
Stick a pacifier or bottle nipple in your own mouth to clean it after it’s hit the floor or ground and you have no way to wash it off or are just too tired too.
I have pulled out stuck poo several times, and sometimes it’s too soft to pull out and you wait in frustration for it to come down while said child is saying ‘grammy pull it out!!!
My baby gets constipated when we travel so I always have suppositories on hand. The first time I had to use them he was 4 months old. I unfortunately was sitting in the wrong spot and ended up covered from chin to chest in a spray of poop. I cleaned it off with a wet wipe and changed my clothes. I suck snot, do the diaper check with my finger, get puked on, clean little fingers with my mouth, eat slobbered on food, etc. the only thing I don’t do is spray poopy cloth diapers because hubby has taken on that job. It always amuses me how very little it matters if he’s wet, peeing, pooing, puking, dirty, or otherwise going to get me any of the above, but if this kid needs to be in my arms, mine are open as wide as my heart.
A very minor nitpick, and I’m sure I’ll get called a grammar nazi, if not worse… But as one pro writer to another, “dad’s” is not plural, it’s possessive.
I’m sure it’s just a typo, but it’s a common one and I find it distracting.
Otherwise, loved this! So much truth. The only other job in which I was exposed to this level of grossness was at a nursing home. Loved that too, in a different way, but I have to say the paychecks that come in the form of hugs are a bit nicer.
When u don’t eat dinner because u know ur going to eat their half eaten plates of food while doing dishes…sick kids or well, ur totally eating that soggy, half chewed mess and u know it, so why eat ur own fresh cooked meal…there’s no time for that.
When my son was a few weeks old he peed all over me, but after changing him and getting him back to bed I decided I was too tired to care about my own clothes and went straight to bed myself. Lol no big deal
10 out of 10. Guilty as charged! While on vacation for Mother’s Day (visiting my mom) sans Daddy we were all blessed (minus my son) a wonderful case of food poisoning. My baby girl (4) got sick overnight. At one point she started to cough, spitty vomit hits my pillow and cheek, the wet farts are heard out the other end and the tears just start flowing. As I am comforting her I am thinking … this might just be the grossest thing I have had to deal with yet. When she was done I proceed to clean both of us up and put her in a diaper.
This is really vile but a few weeks ago my mum, who had been looking after the kids, offered to take us out for a meal. While in the restaurant my youngest, 22 months, announced he had poo’d . It was then we realised we didn’t have a clean nappy with us. On checking I saw it was a solid one. Result; we could go to the toilet , empty the nappy and “recycle”. While there I realised I needed a pee so Sat to do my business. It was then I realised that my toddler, without a nappy on was having follow through , right on the toilet floor! Instincts kicked in and I fired my hand out to catch and minimise the damage. I am totally grossed out even now.
I’ve done all these and some. Sickness doesn’t get to me. My son had severe acid reflux. So there was a lot of spit up when he was an infant. My daughter didn’t get sick…. Ever, until she was toddling. She got me ready for my son. This whole list is spot on. It was a great post.
That was so funny!!! I’ve done all of these ….including eat the chewed up food they spit into my hand!
These are hilarious. I have definitely done them all plus I have caught poop in my hands before so my newborn wouldn’t poop on my bed. Its just what moms do
When your husband is bathing your child who decides to poop in the tub. Your husband screams your name in horror so you take the stairs 4 at a one only to find a confused kiddo next to his nugget and the only way to get it outta there is with your bare hand.
Your husband continues to stare in horror and look at you funny the rest of the evening because he wasn’t going to touch it….
Disgusting! Thank god I’m never having kids.
this is way to funny i have done every one of those and i have 3 boys 5 months 5 yrs and 8 yrs lol and let me tell u when u have kids u just dont care, if u get snot on u or what ever. Its funny the things u would do once u haVE KIDS CAUSE i no when i was younger for me to do a few of those things lol i would of nvr done those things but once u give birth, u just dont care i love my kids for life no matter what
I was hoping someone else would say they take a bite of their children’s chewed up food! Im a single mother of 1, wipe his nose with my t shirt, if were not in arms reach of boogie wipes. Ive never really inspected my son’s poop, but their have been instances where I’d have to go into my office with a hazmat suit on and clean the walls, chairs, keyboards, carpet, windows because of the poop he smeared. fun stuff for sure.
a friend of mine was napping and thought her toddler was asleep too….but he wasn’t….he pooped his diaper…took it off…then climbed up on her and sat on her face!
I have 4 kids ranging from ages 19 – 1. This Dad has done every one of those previously mentioned and more. I’m normally not a “one-upper” but here ya go – mind you, this was NOT intentional, it was just one of those things that was bound to happen to somebody from changing so many diapers – My now 3 year old was around 9 months old at the time and had her first real bout of intestinal sickness, I was changing her 1/2 loaded diaper and she went again, but it wasn’t gentle, it was like a fountain. My reaction was NOT what a well thought out response would have been…I cupped my hands and caught a bunch of it. I am not proud of this, nor am I ashamed of this, it just is.
Equally Disgusting Dad
I just sat here reading out this list to my partner and we laughed the whole way through. And I have to day this list is sooooo true, we are yet to experience #3. And even the stories in the comments had us in tears!
I’m so happy he also steps up in a heartbeat with the icky stuff.
Becoming a mother has toughened me up for sure. My son taught me early motherhood is messy. Lol. After his umbilical cord fell off I got him undressed for his first bath and as I am carrying him to the tub he fills up my hands with poop and pees on my breasts at the same time. I just about died laughing 🙂 Wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.
Been there done all….especially the vomiting on me….my son is asthmatic and when he was 3 years old I was at the pharmacy getting his prescription filled when he was sick. He started to vomit while sitting on counter while I was paying….I just opened up my t shirt and let him go……..mommys love…..
We have a joke in our family that the boys will ONLY throw up on me when they are sick. I think they wait til they get passed to mommy before they let it go! Must be love!!
Pretty sure I’ ve done 8 out of 10. But my husband has done all of them. The one thing he has gone that I could never is….one time our son was gonna be sick (vomit) and I asked him to get a trash can. ..well he couldnt find one so he just cupped his hands together and allowed our 3 yr old son to throw up in them! Our son was in his own bed at the time…I would have had him throw up on the bedding first. But I have to give my husband props has has been more on the receiving end they I have ever been. Our son peed all down him thru his diaper to the point of running down my husbands leg and off his boot at a car dealership. Our daughter had a very explosive incident (poop) all over his side and herself while in a doctor’s office! Yep he is the man!! Gotta love a man who can deal with that and hes in construction! Lol
Agreed!!! Exactly my words
One I did not see that some may think are gross is pre-chewing food for baby once they start eating solid food.
I cut up my kids’ food by biting it and basically spitting it back out. :S What to do when you don’t have a fork or knife? Or don’t want even one extra dish?
I’ve chewed my kid’s gum and finished their mints when a trash can was not available. And while holding my baby and eating a sandwich I once licked mustard off my finger. Only it wasn’t mustard.
It only seems gross when you think about it afterwards, never while it is happening.
Single dad.
I’ve done these and more.
Placed a suppository up my son’s constipated rectum.
Jumped in front of his rear to save the young nurse as she withdrew the thermometer.
Sat in the bath with him as a baby to wash off “ickies”…
Please acknowledge Daddies are carrying the load (pun intended).
I read this to my teenagers for a laugh. They were all too happy to add to the list on my behalf: smelling armpits and feet to determine WHO smells, popping zits, and picking food out of teeth (as opposed to just telling them they have food in their teeth).
I just went through the vomiting with my girls and myself this weekend.
My son was diagnosed with Leukemia at 2 1/2 yrs old.. with chemotherapy treatment, I got pretty good at catching puke… with a bowl we grabbed off the shelves in the middle of Walmart, with a plastic bag we dumped groceries out of in the car, with our bare hands, washed them and went right back to enjoying or Lasagna… along with all those other gross parenting things…I’m a pretty proficient puke catcher!
I feel like a momma monkey, I pick at my babies while they’re breast feeding, toe lint, earwax, dry skin, I pick ‘Em clean!
Ummm I have done all of these except directly being puked on,….have gotten splashes of it on me though..and to those that “suck” snot out with their mouth when they have no aspirator..im sorry but that is just really disgusting and I would never do that!!
i was laying on the couch …zoning…watching tv… and my lil one about 1 at the time (hes seven now) walks up to me and indicates that he has a gift he wants to put in my hand…so without a second thought …no hesitation i laid my open hand out in front of him (still lookin at the tv mind you) he drops his gift and waits for my reaction 🙂 i look in my palm and there (of course) is a nice firm TURD laying right in my hand….OMG! he had dug one out of his diaper and “gifted” ME with it! bwahahaha (i was dying inside but had to completely keep my composure cuz i didnt wanna freak HIM out) (but i was Screaming on this inside) now i was already a veteran booger picking,,,but sniffin mommy long b4 this day…But this is one of those rare “nasty” moments that sticks with you…lol Needless to say, potty training took place immediately after the “Great Dookie Debacle”
Thank You and Goodnight! lmao
*Butt-sniffin
As a mother I did all of this and now as a grandmother I am doing it all over again. Some how it is not as bad this time around !
My son is only six moths old and I’ve done about everything on this list but I have to say the nastiet thing I’ve ever had to deal with was thinking my son was done pooping and had to catch it with a wipe lolz never want to do that again! 🙂
My kids are constantly using me to wipe things on…boogers, left-over pasta sauce, dirt. Anything that is on their faces or hands ends up on me somehow. It doesn’t even bother me any more. I keep Sam’s Club sized Spray & Wash on hand at all times.
I’ve so done all of these things X3 lol. One gross thing I did that my husband could not stand was to check for a soiled diaper (pee not poop) i would just stick my finger right into the side of the diaper…yep needs changed! Sometimes I would get an unpleasant surprise when there would be poopie in there lol. yuck… nothing a diaper wipe cant handle!
Worse thing with Kidlet #1 was a major power fountain throw up. That ended up landing down my leg into my flip flops. Kidlet # 2 fresh born baby introduced to his big sister , as i changed his butt & he kept poo’ing. She was icked out , telling me over & over ewwww gross, make him stop. Kidlet #3 Having a shower with her ( few wks old) she throws up, lands on the walls, my hair , every where else that it could land on & just a heads up Breastmilk STICKS. On the list I have done about 8 out of 10 of those , I’ve now become immune lol
It really never occurred to me that some of the “normal”, others (without kids or the kids themselves) would find gross. I’m guilty of doing 9/10, plus the gag-worthy sucking the snot out of their nose … it’s amazing what moms will do for their kids lol
I have done all of these! I think the grossest thing I’ve done is a couple days after my oldest was born, he had peed all over my bed… twice, so I was on my last set of clean sheets. And my sleep deprived self put him on the bed to change his diaper at 2 am and he started to poop mid-change. My first instinct was to put my hand under his butt to catch his poop! Lol. In my head, I was thinking that I can wash my hands quicker than I can wash my last set of sheets:)
The grossest thing I have ever done was probably manually dig poop out of my youngest daughter. She was so constipated as a baby that it was there and visible and had started to tear her as she was trying to push it out so I had to go in with a glove of course and dig out her poop. Not to mention I have done all the above on this list and not just with my children but with little cousins, nieces, nephews and friend’s children.
Don’t forget having your son pee on you. It when you are about to bathe them and they decide to poop not in the diaper or bathtub but everywhere else.
This doesnt happen to anyone but definitely worth writing about. My son was just born n as the Dr was handing him to me I reached up n as I did he decided it was time to let the faucet run n yup directly into my mouth he peed!!!! I cldnt have cared less though he is now 7 and I’ve have done ago of this n I’m sure alt more… How bout having to push our pull poop outta your babies bum when they are constipated? That’s the newest one for me n I’m on the 4th n last lol no more poop pulling for me soon enough.
When my first was born it was the day after I had her I was in the hospital room alone with her and she had pooped her pants so I went to change her and her poop had just left the tar stage and was now runny and seedy she pooped all over me on my close on my face and in my mouth the most descusting thing ever and alls I could think of doing first was get her cleaned up and then worry about myself my nurse had a heck of a laugh when she walked in as I was cleaning my self and told her what happened it was funny but very gross
Oh my, this is too funny!!! Being a Mama of 8, I have done them all (& then some)!!
I’ve done all that with my oldest and now have a 2 month old and already done half of the list with him lol.
To add onto the list that happened with me was catching his loose poop with my hand after taking off his diaper and not grabbing the new diaper fast enough to put on him. It sounds so nasty but actually seemed so okay to do because hes my son. Better in my hand than on the bed.
What about pulling a drooled on cookie out of a child’s mouth, taking a big bite, and giving it back to the child? I did this once because my girl stuck a whole oreo in her mouth.
In the days before the blue bulb I would suck the snot out of my boogery children’s and baby’s noses if they couldn’t blow. I even did it for some of my grandbabies.
Use baby wipes for cleaning around the house instead of clorex wipes lol
I have done just about everything mentioned here. LMAO they are so gross but so funny. my grossest thing I have to say my daughter swollowed one of those rubber covers on the earbud head phones and I was like oh $h!t. Then next day I found it in the diaper. I took it out cleaned it off with hot water then smelled it to see if it was fully clean and it smelled groady so then I soaked in rubbing alchol to get the smell off of it and put it back on the earbud. They were my husband’s work earbuds for his cell phone. Those things aren’t cheap.
Lmao . I hv 2 siblings 4 daughters 12 grand kids and daycare kids to count along side too many nieces and nephews plus great nieces and nephews not to mention friends little ones and with allll of them together I bet I hv performed each task abt ooohhhh a million times and I am a very particular person .
10/10! And a few more other parents have posted! It feels so great knowing that I’m not alone in the gross arena. LOL!!!!
-Mommy of 5 girls. 18,16,7,5,3.
I am a new mom and I thought I was the only one that did these things lol! Each and every one of these I have done and my husband looks at me like I’m crazy
Men don’t understand sometimes lol
What about the poops that overflow out of the front of the diaper or the sides and they stick their hands in it and get it all over their face and the carseat?
With 3 kids (ages 8, 3 &2) i have done all these things ccountless times. Lol.
But how about helping out your toddler when hes constipated sitting on the potty screaming because its stuck halfway out? New level of gross IMO. Ya gotta grab it (preferably with a piece of toilet paper) and pull that joker out! Believe it or not ive had to pull a halfway stuck poo out of both my boys. Ugghh. Never did i ever think id have to do that. And not once but twice! Lol. But boy was i a hero in their eyes after it was done.
Not sure about any of you, but I’ve got rid some pretty gross hunks of earwax away from my kids ears!!! Disgusting!!
Oh my gosh yes! And you always seem to notice earwax when you’re out and about!
I also am guilty of almost all. Mom of 5 boys, I do remember one time my husband was changing a dirty diaper, our son dropped his paci, and hubs just immediately picked it up, stuck it in his mouth to clean it off. He realized quickly where the paci fell, right in poop. He jumped up gagging running ot the bathroom. Bless his heart.! I ve been puked on, pooped on, peed on, spit , snot, food all over me, but never had the poopy paci :0
I’m not even a parent and I have done pretty much all of these things for my nephews who are two and a half right now. They’re so much more important than me feeling gross or anything else.
This list is awesome I would also add, swirling a qtip with Vaseline up her butt bc she was sooo constipated, sitting in throw up for a 3 hr flight (after having over packed the first 2 times we flew with extra changes of clothes for each of us and not needing them, 3rd time I didn’t pack me a set and she fell asleep immediately after lol), sneezing in my mouth, sucking snot out with a nose Fredia, While givin her butt some air time due to a bad diaper rash, being peed on and letting her just finish before trying to move her lol.
Hmmmm maybe I wasn’t born to be a mom… Poop still makes me gag, vomit is just as bad. I love my kid to pieces but I’d never let him puke on me, never catch puke in my hands… Not without it turning into a crazy barf fest… I also wouldn’t wipe my little mans snot up barehanded or reach into a toilet ungloved! Oh and I would definitely change my shirt if it had spit up on it…
Ewwwww! Is this really what most mom’s do?? Definitely not me!!
I’ve done all of them lmbo but the sad part is before my second was born my husband use to have me pick his nose for him because his fingers were to big lololol story of my life! I’m a St Jude mama so sadly I pretty much do all those almost every day 🙁
What about let your kids feed you gross things like food they just put in their mouth then changed their mind and decided to share? Sometimes you take one for the team just to see that face light up!
I’m a big sister but the two younger ones are 10and 12 years apart from me. So I practlcally helped mom raise them. The only thing I can’t stomach is listening to them actually throw up.
Great article! Idk if anyone else has done this, but my 11 mo old son sleeps in my bed with me (attachment parenting) and one night recently he had diarrhea which leaked through the diaper, his pjs, and onto the sheet. It was 3am when I realized it and I quickly cleaned him up and put him in fresh pjs. But since I had just changed the sheets the day before I hadn’t had a chance to wash the other sheet set. Soooo of course I switched spots with him and I slept on the soiled part of the sheet (not to mention, it was also very wet since he had saturated his diaper as well). Never in a million years did I ever think I’d sleep on poop, much less someone else’s! The definition of mother should be “selfless”, because that’s a mother! 😉
LOVE!
http://www.fitmommydiaries.blogspot.com
Lol…don’t know what to say about other men, but as a husband and father to a 4yo and a 19 mo I’ve done most of these myself. These are my kids…you do what you have to do !
Picking ear wax lol
I laughed at number 5, that is so me!
Yep, I have seen both gym daughter and son in law do most of these.
But I could add two more: 1) stick your fingers down the child’s pants into the diapers to see if he had pooped. 2) continue to soak your feet in the water your child just peed in!
I’d like to rename the list….MOM TO THE RESCUE.
I’ve done everything on this list! My worst experience was 2 summers ago when my daughter (almost 3 at the time) swallowed a quarter. I had to fish all of her poops out of the toilet and search for the missing quarter…after doing this for 3 weeks they finally did a second xray and realized it still hadn’t moved out of her stomach, so she had to have it extracted. Helpful hint: if you ever have to do something like this, a gallon ziplock bag turned inside out will keep your hand dry and clean while fishing for turds. Then you just turn it right side out, close it up tight, and squish away!
As a SAHM of 3 young boys, I have done all of these…multiple times.
You didn’t mention putting that “binky” they threw on the ground into your own mouth before giving it back to them. Just in case….Mom spit can cure anything!
Soooo I wanted to mention that when we use our spit to “clean” something before putting it in our kids mouth, we are actually introducing bacteria into their systems. I know sometimes it’s all you’ve got, but if at all possible, it really is better to use water, same for chewing up food, using a blender or mashing with a fork is much safer for our children’s dental health. Not judging though, I’ve done it too, I just try not to now that I found this out.
Dad of three boys here, now two are teens other one close behind. Yup, brings back memories.
I like #6. One of my bad jokes is: You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your friends’ nose. (Doesn’t apply to kids)
I have done each and every one of these things that you described. But I did not see anything about your child vomiting in your mouth. I have 4 children and I would always hold my children overhead and play with them. Incidentally while doing this they would vomit in my mouth. Has this ever happened to anyone else or, am I alone here?
I know my mom caught my vomit with her bare hands. Me and my sisters went out in the backyard and ate the mushrooms that were growing there and Mom gave me and my sister ipecac and had us throw up in buckets. When she thought I was done puking she put me and bed and went to my sister. I then screamed her name and she came running, holding out her hands, and I vomited into them as she screamed for my dad. I don’t remember much about my childhood, but it’s hard to forget that.
The circle of life never stops! All of us say things like, “I would never do that gross stuff” when your single. I said those very words my self. Guess what? Having a child changes your whole perspective! You’ll do it, and not even think about it!
How about holding your kid’s finger (or other extremity) while they are bleeding profusely while racing to the ER
I am now 70 years old, and I must say that I laughed when I read these comments. It did remind me of a story that my mother use to tell me. Way back before baby food could be bought in a jar, mothers had to first chew food, such as meat, and then give it to their babies to swallow. Not a disgusting thing for moms, but just interesting. I suspect that they did many, many things that would put our own disgusting experiences to shame. One for me was using cloth diapers. First, I had to clean them out in the toilet (now rubber gloves back then), and then I put them in a diaper pail to soak until wash day. I recall the smell being absolutely awful….but I did it faithfully and seldom saw a diaper rash during my 3 kid stent. Blessings, nk.
Caught poop in my hand because it was much better than the having it go in the bathtub with 2 kids. Kid stood up but not enough time to move him to the toilet.
These are so true… I never think twice about any of this, but I think you forgot drinking after your child.. I dont know how many times I have taken a drink from a straw that was covered in slobber
Funny, but just thought I’d let you know… second sentence you cannot say “off of.” Gramatical error.
Now that was a type-o! *Grammatical! Ha!
10/10 but I would do them plus anything else to have the child I lost back, those and anything else!!! I’m PROUD that my four children of a single mother ALWAYS knew MOMMA was there for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!!
I’ve done all that and more…. Forgot one though…. How about lifting your baby over your head to play and she or he spits up and it lands in your mouth….. Yep! Learned that lesson real quick….. Or newborn with explosive diarreah and it shoots all the way to your clothes… Yep!!! Nothing beats being a Mom!!!! #momlife
I am a nanny and have done all these things. The one thing I noticed that wasn’t on the list is when your not homecand the kid picks a scab and is bleeding and you have to wipe up their blood with your hands and pour bottle water on it because you ran out of wipes and napkins because you used the last bit cleaning up a diaper. Another one is is picking out ear wax or dirt off the kids fingers and toes. I always keep fingernails short and pluck ear wax lumps I can see with tweezers. One kid I watch hates his fingers getting cut and no matter what I do he refuse for me to do it but I have been able to a few times. I don’t mind boogers and ear wax just not when it’s stuck all over me. I don’t like to feel sticky so I always have wipes with me whereever I go and extra clothes handy at work. One time I had to wash my extra pants because the 2 yrs old threw up again and I had to use my spare shirt as a skirt . When my boss said to come with her to the doctors I said I can’t because my pants are in the wash. she said I didn’t know that was not a skirt. So even though I’m not a mom it feels like it because I been with many kids from the time they were born and helped raise them.
Done them all, except let my kids throw up on me without pushing them away…I’m the one who still gags at it. Having 9dc I’m now moving onto the grandparenting stage. My dd explained how gross she thought it was growing up when I would lick my finger to wipe food off of her face. She was determined to never do that when she had her own children. And here she is actually licking her dd’s entire mouth (like mouth to mouth) to clean it up!! How things change!
Done them all… Including multiple times of going in to get my son after a nap and he had smeared poop all over his crib. Covered in poop, and then it’s also all over the bed, stuffed animals, everything. My favorite….. Haha
My daughter had horrible reflux, she barfed in my mouth, eyes, nose, purse…enemas, glycerine suppositories, booger suckers, kitten spit baths…etc etc etc.
When my daughter was about 2 years old she brought me a little toy teacup full of water. I said thank you, drank it and handed her back the cup. She ran off for a minute to fill it up again, came back, I drank it again, gave it back and then I started wondering where she was getting the water, so I followed her. She ran into the bathroom and dipped it in the toilet!
Also, several times, I’ve licked or sucked their bloody owies when I didn’t have anything else to stop the bleeding.
Hilarious and so true! Every wannabe teen mom should read this to know what their future holds. My three are adults, live on their own, one even married and they still call me when they’re throwing up! Only a mama….
Here’s one! lol Once at the MS Gulf beach my three year old son got sand blown in his face from a gust of wind while we were playing, it was all over his long eye lashes and he was freaking out with sand in his eyes, which in turn freaked me out to see my baby panicking! What was I going to wipe his little eyes with? We both had sand all over our hands and body from playing. The only thing I could think of that was sand free in these few frantic seconds was my tongue! YES, I licked the sand off of my sons eyes just like a mamma cat! Hey, It worked! What we’ll do for our babies lol
Guilty of all of them and I
dont regret a single moment!
Thankfully I’ve never had to suck snot out of their noses with my mouth!!! My son turned blue from birth to about 8 months old, so I had those rubber sucker things EVERYWHERE, every room, my car, my purse, diaper bag!!! Thank God cuz I really wouldn’t wanna do that one, not that I wouldn’t if I felt it was my only option lol
But ewwwww!!!
Dont forget catching spitup in your hand. I got to the point with my daughter where I could recognize a spit up burp from a regular burp and if I had no towels handy and I heard a spit up burp I would reach out and cup my hands under her mouth to catch the spit up so it wouldn’t ruin her pretty outfit.
Ok. So I haven’t ever told anyone about this one.
I had just got done shampooing my carpets and afterward noticed my little boy needed a bath. I undressed him and sure enough as usual he scurried out of the bathroom to prance around the house naked. I didn’t really pay much attention to it because he does this on the daily. I followed him into the living room and asked him to please go get in the tub. And then I saw it…..the poop face. I knew he was getting ready to drop a big deuce on my freshly cleaned carpet so I did what came natural. I caught it…. Yes… bare handed. Not one of my finer moments. Haha
I have done 9 out of 10. Luckily my 2.5 year old hasn’t dropped stuff in the toilet ( but I have and had to fish it out, so I guess that counts too)
Also, I have been known to eat food that was previously in my tot’s mouth. I also prefer taking her temp rectally because I feel that is the most accurate.
I too have smelled the bottoms of my little ones to see if the have pooed. Unfortunately I have also pulled their diapers back and gotten a finger full of poo. Ahh the many joys of motherhood.
Can’t stop laughing! Such a true list of things I never thought I would do or be able to handle. These are all second nature to me now.
My gross one is when I scooped up my sweet toddler, gave her huge kisses on her fat cheek, and them licked my lips afterwards…realized I’d just licked in something awfully salty…yep, I had just been the victim of a booger sharing. Nope… didn’t gag. Yuck!
I am raising three boys and i have done every one of these things u said but the grosses thing i have encountered is my youngest son i was changing his diaper at the Dr office and he was not done pooping and i didn’t know it and it shot right a crossed the room that was a first for me mommy’s do a lot of things daddys won’t
Spot on. I remember when one of my sons vomit all over me and then he stop (feeling guilty and scared maybe), watching my reaction. Then I said to him, ‘ don’t worry, I won’t be mad at you, just keep on vomit until you feel okay’.
no matter where we are if my daughters binki falls, i shove it in my mouth to make sure its clean enough for her! and when she was a new born i was not found of putting warm formula on hey sensitive tongue after putting it on my slightly tougher wrist, si i tasted it myself!!
my hubby thinks what I do is the most disgusting. I dunno if it is.. but when my baby is sick with really stuffed up nose, I suck it out with my mouth. works better than everything else!!!
Feed the kids lunch and not prepare anything for myself — I just eat their left-overs off their plates while cleaning up.
Oh my goodness Liz, these are hilarious!! I have definitely done all of these, plus anytime I use my finger to wipe peanut butter, yogurt, etc off his face I just eat it if I don’t have a wipe or napkin 🙂 Also, imagine my surprise when I was checking my facebook news feed and your face popped up, b/c my Springfield guy friend had shared this article! Haha small world!
This is allllll sooooo true!!!
One thing that I am SO glad I did, but looking back on it thought “wow, that’s pretty gross” was when my niece was eating crackers as a snack. She apparently did not chew before swallowing, and it became lodged in her throat. I quickly jumped up, shoved my finger down her throat, and curved it back up like a fish hook to scoop the cracker out. In doing so, I believe my finger went halfway down her throat.
Ya gotta do what you gotta do!
I use to chew my sons food for him before he had enough teeth to get the job done…. my best friend always thought that was the grossest thing that I did… lol….she always said I reminded her of a mother bird….. hahah
I’ve had 2 check up inside butts for pin worms on top of everything else mentioned. lol!
Okay i have done everything on this list except the eating spit out food. I don’t think I could do that. You guys forgot one what about when your child has a nose bleed and you have no napkins or anything so you use your shirt or hand to try and stop it until you get to a bathroom or find tissue. My daughter has nose bleeds frequently.
I am not a mother yet, but I find myself doing a lot of these things with my toddler class already. lol When you spend every day with these children they become a lot like your own.:)
My son pulled the string out of a bath towel & swallowed it. And when it came out the other end it wouldn’t pass so Mommy had to glove up and pull it out.
My sisters lil boy didn’t want to put a diaper on so she let him run around naked. Well about 20 minutes later (after him sitting on the potty chair). He goes in his room, poops. Then picks it up and brings it to her. That’s pretty gross
My mother taught me how to use apostrophes correctly. Guess she had more important things on her mind than poop.
What about when you’re changing them, and RHEY ARE NOT FINISHED POOPING!!!! So what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you dont have a diaper under their bottom and nothing in either of your hands but a wipe. CATCH IT IN YOUR HAND!
I’ve also had a little turd fall out of the diaper after I took it off of him because I’m trying to hurry up before he pees on me, himself or anything else. I then picked it up with my bare hand then placed it back in the diaper!
Wow! I haven’t laughed like that for a long time! So funny. Although I’ve done most of those disgusting things, my favourite story was one that happened to my doctor.
My son peed on the doctor’s face. The doctor, instead of putting his hand over baby penis, put his hand over his face and baby just kept peeing. Secretly, this made me very happy, because this doctor had caused me much distress during my pregnancy. 26 years later, it still makes me happy.
Oh Ladies it only gets worse! As teenagers I have dealt with the threat of a “third” testicle, thank god it was only a cyst… Hemorrhoids, and of course more vomit. AND The mother of them all, dating! Good luck to you all.
I once saw a big booger in my baby’s nose and, as all moms do, picked it out… I was in the car, and I didn’t have a tissue… So I put the booger in her mouth!
At 2 1/2 weeks my daughter got bronchiolitis and had to stay in I’ve sucked snot out if my babies nose using a nosefrida and my mouth. At 2 1/2 weeks my daughtersthe hospital for 7 days. On the day of discharge the nurse told me it would be a good idea to get a nasal aspirator for when i have to suck the out of my daughters nose. Someone recommended a mommy/daddy powered nasal aspirator. Every one I know thought it was absolutely gross, but from now on it’s post of any baby shower gift I buy.
I am not a mother but have done all but two of these things with my niece. Lol
This is hilarious! Thank you for the reminder that not only are we all in the same boat, but sometimes we just have to laugh. Great post!
My Husband meet myself and several friends at a restaurant with my son after I had just come back from a Confrence. My husband told me that Connor had said his belly hurt but didn’t elaborate. Son seemed fine ate dinner…… And then while sitting on husbands lap began to unleash a river of vomit. I put my hands out as to try to catch most of it. My hands were not large enough but we avoided the table which we were at the head. My husband an friends were both taken aback and impressed by my automatic response to catch!
How about the old pin worm tape test? Tried that one last week. Parenting is so glamorous!
My daughter has a tendency to poop in the bath. Im forever scooping ‘floaters’ out of the tub.So much fun 😉 (not)
One time my son had a stomach bug and we were up all night with him crying and puking. He had already thrown up in the bed a couple of times, and I had ripped the sheets off and laid out new ones. The third time he missed the towel I had spread out and I was so exhausted, I just put a clean towel on top of the puke and we went back to sleep.
I have done this a couple of time when my baby girl was sick. She couldn’t sleep well every night because of a stuffy nose. I tried to help her with a nasal aspirator, but it didn’t work. My sister tells me that the best way to suck the mucus out from her nose is “USE MY MOUTH”!! And I did! It was really gross, but my baby girl felt much better. How gross it was!
This list is great. One thing I have done that isn’t on here is suck the mucus out of my daughter’s nose with my mouth. She all of a sudden couldn’t breath and we didn’t have anything around to help us. It’s gross but I would do it again if I had too.
I always lick my kid’s face clean if I don’t have a wet cloth nearby. Once I watching my friend’s kid play soccer, I always carry baby Tylenol with me and somehow it was not safely closed. We are all sitting on a blanket and she goes for the diaper bag and comes out with the meds…she opened it and started looking to see who was seeing what she was doing…my friend looked down and asked if the bottle was half full or she had downed it….I looked at my kid panicked and intincts just kicked it and I held her face up and shoved my tounge in her mouth to feel if I could taste any sweetness of the meds but THANK GOD she did not get past opening it.
Yummy right!! Lol
HAPPY PARENTING Y’ALL
How sexist! I do almost all of these on a daily basis.
I could really identify with this post and have done all ten things on the list! 🙂 As a dad, I’d really liked to have seen this post called ’10 disgusting things only a parent would do’ as the use of ‘mom’ in the title implies that dads wouldn’t do the things on the list. I know that you may well not have intended to exclude dads so am just giving my perspective on how I felt the title came across. I really like your blog and think that what you say is generally very relevant to dads as well as moms.
Ooops, meant to post this comment at the bottom of the list of comments rather than as a reply to your comment. I also do many of the things mentioned on a daily basis, like a great many dads.
Once in a public building with no trash can or bathroom in site my daughter said her belly hurt. . I took off my coat layed it on the ground and told her to aim… it was January and snowing.
What about picking bugs out of your kid’s head? I had to do that with both my daughters and on two different occasions! Public school is on my sh$& list. haha
I can relate to this list!
Less gross.. but after feeding the kids baby food, I licked the spoon clean so I didn’t have a messy spoon to pack. Can’t say I’m a fan of baby food 🙂
One you forgot and as a new mom to an almost 5 month old, I am guilty of this WAY too many times: in the middle of the night, during one of many feedings/diaper changes/soothing sessions, that precious little baby decides to spit up on your bed…and you proceeds to wipe up what you can and go back to sleep WITHOUT changing the sheets. Heck, I’m pretty sure I might have slept in my daughter’s pee…sleep deprivation is really fun 😉
My first child and nothing has grossed me out yet. Worried but I’m a strange person and can handle sick enents like wearing pee,poo,puke, whatever really cause it washes off or u can rinse it out. It’s just more meaningful when ur taking one for the team .
This Was Really Good. I’ve Done All Of These But One Thing That People Find Gross That I Did Was Suck Snot Out Of my Youngest Daughters Nose Because The Snot Sucker Just Wasn’t Doing The Job. I Spat It Out Of Course But Either Way People Still Find It Revolting. I Think It Was The Best Way To Help My baby
You need to try the nose frida. Same concept, less germs and works great!
Grossest thing I’ve done….one of my kids swallowed their tooth while sleeping. I was so desperate to find it that I told my kid not to flush the toilet after he poops just in case he swallowed it. So he did. I got my gloves on and smashed the poop in search of his tooth…and no I never found it!!!
The other day I took off my son’s diaper, stood him on the bed to go to daddy for a new diaper only to see that he had just began to poop. I quickly scooped him up, catching the poop in my hand and ran to the bathroom. My husband gagged like crazy, I was as calm as can be. I’d rather wash my hand than all the bedding anytime!
My 2 year old dd was diaper free with us in the living room. I could tell she was about to poo so I darted to her and caught the poo with my hands. Hubby was completely grossed out. I figured it’s easier to clean my hands than the carpet
My nephew once puked in my mouth.
I stuck my daughters both hands in my mouth to clean off the melted chocolate she had gotten all over them, prior to the arrival at the in laws house for dinner! Actually tasted good and it got her hands clean and no one knew better! Fooled them !
And let’s not forget about cloth diapering … I did cloth with my first and it was by far the grossest thing on a continuous basis … Whooshing that shitty diaper around in the toilet before wringing it out … Ew. When #2 came along and they were both in diapers, I was done.
I have done all of these above, except one, because my daughter has never vomited (that wasn’t spit up). Oh but I don’t count, because I am a dad….
I bet you would never bash mom…It wasn’t fun being thrown up on…I’ll give you that…I wore spit up like a badge of honor
Wow this list looks like my day…dads do all of this stuff, the sexist title isn’t something dad would do…maybe the title should read…”Mom, bashing dad with sexism again” I do the disgusting stuff I’m my house….I change the diapers…I comfort the sick an get thrown up on…I investigate the poop to see if every thing is working…I smell the butts and clean the boogers…I stay at home with my kids…that’s right I am a SAHD and I do this thanks for the kick in the balls moms….
So glad I am a dad and never have to do any of these things..I mean after all, what father would?
#SexisimGoesBothWays #MomsAreTheWorst
Why not title this post “10 Things Only A Parent Would Do”? My huband scored 10/10 on this list. Me, not so much…
My grandson at 3 months old: I was in the middle of changing a poopy diaper, when more came shooting out – caught it in my hand to keep it off my carpet! It’s what we do!
Makes me want to make a business blog called “10 Professional Things Only A Businessman Will Do” and include basic functions like “Close Deals.”
Incredibly sexist title for 21st Century North America.
I work hard with my kids.
10/10. So that makes me a mom rather than a dad? My wife will be surprised.
No this list in wrong -plain, unequivocally wrong.
It’s not just Moms who do these things. Dads do too. I speak from experience. 🙂
All these things only mom’s would know about ha ha definitely why our group of friends change as we grow in parenthood. Socializing with ones who understand these things and don’t think we’re CRAZY or GROSS 🙂 how about this thought .. did u spill you drink or is that pee??.. you went in for the whiff when u realize your face now has a lingering smell of pee on it and your more worried about having to clean that same blanket for the third time that day..not even caring that your face was just rubbing across pee lol
I should have said these are things only mom’s and dad’s understand 🙂 I know my husband has pitched that helping hand in many of these situations 🙂
Hooray for moms AND DADS!!! I cringe at the word “only” in this. As a dad, I’ve done everything on this list so many times that I have no way of counting each one. And I’m not a single dad.
Sorry yes u are right my husband is probably more of the super star then me!! I did mean to put dad’s to!! Bless you for being an amazing father! !
I was blessed with 2 boys and I have done all these and then some. When they were babies and they would start to pee, while having their diapers changed, I would just throw my hands into it to keep them from peeing everywhere. And I don’t know how many times I picked up a pacifier dropped on the ground and put it in my mouth to clean it off. (Better I have the germs than them and going without a paci… not an option.)
Or drinking your drink even after you baby decides to spit in it??
10 out of 10. Not a mom.
🙂
I have done all of the above and then some. My youngest suffers from bad nose bleeds so catching blood in your hands, piece of cake. Having to clean up vomit from body,hair and bed at 3am, done! then have to basically sterilise them cos they decided to play with dog poop too!! Not nice, but stuff that parents do. Thanks for the giggle. Loved it.
I find myself sharing my food with my bub especially my bananas I let him half suck on my banana then eat it when he’s done
I had a epidural caesarian with my second son. As the doctor took him out, he peed all over me, the doctor, the theater personnel and the floor. It was quite a lengthy one and all and everyone was nice and wet! My hubby was quite lucky to catch the moment on photo. We will embarrass him with that photo on his wedding day!
And yes if you become a mother all those gross things are just normal! Someone has to do it!!!
How about sucking snot with your mouth, straight from your kid’s nose, because they were so congested they couldn’t breathe and you had ransacked the house for forty minutes looking for the nose sucker to no avail?
I have a medically fragile son, with cerebral palsy, and I’ve sucked snot out of his nose numerous times! Anything to help him breathe!!
I’m 9 out of 10 on doing the items on this list. To this day, I have not pulled anything out of the toilet. Ha! Ha!
I’m a Dad, I’ve done all of these things…and I’d like to add to the list…today i took my daughter to the male toilet (cubicle). There was no tissue paper and i’d run out, so i used my tshirt – i thank my lucky stars it was a No.1 and not a No.2 – could have been embarrassing to try to explain that one! 🙂
My 35 yr old son had a burst appendix and was in very serious condition. All the family was taking turns staying with him in the hospital. On one of my overnight turns, he had explosive bouts of diarrhea, I was cleaning him up each time because the nurses couldn’t get there fast enough, so we just stopped calling them. My son is 6’2″ and 250lbs, but he will always be my baby son. You will continue to do whatever it takes to make them feel better when they are so ill, no matter their age. We can now laugh about the “hitty night we spent together…but at the time it was not so funny, just very painful for him and heartbreaking for me to see him suffering.
Ohhhh…nice its true only mom can do some revolting things ..Thanks for sharing it..:)
I never post comments, but this time I think it’s required. When I first sat down with our lunch, I imagined one of those utopian experiences where my darling girl would sit nicely and eat while I blissfully enjoyed warm food (that hadn’t hit the floor 3 times before it arrived in my mouth). Before I knew it, I was standing in front of her with my hands cupped together catching her vomit before it landed in all the wrong places; including my own food. After the act was complete I stood there, staring at her little green face wondering where I would put the offending contents. As luck would have it, a table of roughly 7-8 seniors had watched the entire show. Had they been more limber, I may have received a standing-O for my speedy reflexes. In a show of solidarity, they gathered all their napkins and sent their most able bodied soldiers to my aid. I was mortified, but relieved to have found assistance in the most unexpected place.
Yup 10/10 for this list and I cycle through that checklist more frequently than I drink a glass of wine. You can imagine how frequent then… Would all you wise parents (moms AND put wonderful dads as has been mentioned above) be interested in 20 Ingenious Hacks that Make Parenting (Actually) Fun? http://bit.ly/1P6v5cb
P.S. the comments are the best part in this article! Golden!
My husband and I have done everything on the list and more. We have also cleaned poop out of bathtub after finding “floaters” or “murky clouds”. Once my son puked all over my shirt and in my hair along with a few places on the floor on his way to the bathroom and I never bothered to clean myself up until he was done puking, was changed, he was resting again, and I had cleaned up all of his accidents first. Once our two kids got sick with the flu when the youngest was almost a year old and we had one projectile vomiting and the other was pooping like a water fountain on the changing table. My husband had to grab the closest container he saw to catch all the poop while I cleaned up the vomit. As parents we deal with some nasty situations sometimes. I have also cleaned up poop murals on the wall and had kids in sleepers with diarrhea that filled their sleeper pants to where I had to stand them in the tub, unzip the sleepers, then take the shower head with the long hose on it and just rinse them off because they were literally covered in poop.
I one time sucked a rock out of his nostril, because he didn’t know how to blow.
It was that or the ER… again…
All of these plus fishing a whole poo log out of the bath!!! My one year old has done this twice to me now in her lifetime (I imagine that she’ll do it again!!) but I have to admit that after I’ve fished it out quickly I let her still play!!! She blooming loves the water
My son was extremely constipated and so I let him sit on my lap facing me. I put a bowl under my legs and spread my legs to open my son’s legs. Then gave him an enema and let him poop and pee on me. He needed me to hold him and help him go so I did. My hubs was totally grossed out and left the room.
My son is 15 months old know but when he’s in the bath tub and starts to poop and I can’t get him out fast enough so I just catch his poop so I don’t have to rerun his bath water. Never and I mean never would I have thought I would do this. But being a mom you do a lot of stuff that I never would have done before.
Not only catching your own kids puke…. But any kid that is around yous puke also…. While at work the other day a child was walking past and started to puke. I totally caught the first wave in my hand while grabbing the trash can. The non moms were looking at me like I was crazy….
I’m the only mom at my work. And some of the things they freak out about make me laugh. I’m like just wait until you have kids, it’s like a whole other world.
have to say ive done all this with my kids as well. i dont know if anyone else has done this hope im not the only one but when my babies were too congested and obviously too young to blow their nose the fastest way to get her nostrils clear is to ( suck and spit ) ive made a few people literally throw up over doing it but it is the fastest way to clear their nasal passage i know its gross but we do what we have to no matter how yuck it is when it comes to our children.
Ha ha….stuck my hand under my son’s mouth to catch the vomit…
This past Easter, while sitting in church, my son sneezed and two long snot rockets shot out of his nose. He turns to me with snot hanging from each nostril. Without even thinking I do the nose-squeeze and pinch the snot off with one hand while frantically digging through my purse hoping to find a tissue. Unable to find a tissue, I sit there for a moment before wiping it off on the church bulletin. Disaster adverted? Nope. He sneezed again and promptly proceeded to wipe his nose this time on the sleeve of my dress.
With our oldest, we washed him in the sink, when he pooped, just to be soothing. Clearly I was holding him wrong one day, as I’m washing his cute little 3 week old butt, he simultaneously spit up and peed down the front of me. I was all done washing, another load of poop came flying out, on top of my already soiled clothes. It was worth it, albeit gross!
On more than one occasion, I have lunged my hand under the chin of my now 6 month old daughter, Amelia, to catch her spit up after hearing that telltale burp. My success rate is improving remarkably! So is my aim. ?
The first time we tried the no nibble stuff to try to stop my daughter from sucking her thumb was at target and as soon as she put her thumb in her mouth she started to gag so I put my hand out so that she could puck in it. With puck in my hand I just turn to the very young male employee and ask if he had any paper towels. I will never forget the look on his face. He saw the whole thing. Lol
We tag team the surprise vomiting at our house. If it is night time & someone is vomiting in their room then as soon as it is over hubster hands the sick one to me and I take him/ her to the bathroom for clean up. Vomited on items get put outside the bathroom door. Warm shower or bath cleans up the child. Fluffy towel & clean jammies for anyone who needs them. As soon as I am done with the kid the bed has been stripped & remade, all vomited on items are in the wash & if necessary the couch is made up for me & the sick child with blankets & basin. They want mommy, so daddy makes sure that mommy doesn’t have to leave.
Yup I’ve done it all too! Same with the kids I do childcare for! I have also litterally “caught” puke…yup no bucket or anything insight to capture it with so hands it is….please tell me I’m not the only one who’s done this more than once!
Haha, done it! Just reflex!
Utterly repulsive! You moms might not even notice the major gross factor, but please don’t get mad or offended if we, the rest of population, cringe away in disgust from your child and their bodily fluids in public.
A dad doesn’t need to be “awesome” to do them these days… but these days most of you are asking basically a “step” dad to do these things… which, yeah, for us is fucking gross unless we’ve already done it before with our own children.
Done all of these. Also guilty of eating after my kids. My toddler’s Half eaten banana doesn’t scare me! Grosses my husband out, but I can’t see wasting food!
Also the open mouth kisses from a toddler can gross out some but I love it! Slobber and all!
We finially had our 15 year old daughter baptized last easter sunday at easter mass along with other preteens and teens and our daughter and all the other girls wore the traditional white,poofy,top of the knees,short sleeve baptism dress with a matching bonnet,lace anklets and white mary jane shoes.All of the girls had the traditional white cloth baptismal diaper with the white rubberpants on over it and a white tee shirt under their dresses.Our daughter was pigging out at her party on alot of food and then was running around in the back yard chasing the little cousins.The next day,she felt sick and i called her school to report her sick.She threw up in bed then had diariha.Her baptism diaper and rubberpants were laying on her dresser,so i took the rubberpants and put them on her,figuring it would be easier to clean them,then her nightgown and bed sheets! She wore the rubberpants all day and to bed that night and when she had the diarhea,i just took them off of her,washed them out and put them back on her!It worked and was alot less hassle!
Our neighbors 10 year old daughter made her First Holy Communion last may and i went to her party.The girl was dressed in the traditional,white,poofy,knee length communion dress and veil with lace anklets and the white shoes.About half way thru the party,the girls mom was sitting a couple feet from me and the girls came over to mom and whispered some thing in moms ear.She stood there in front of mom and brought her dress up and thats when i saw she had a cloth diaper and toddler size plastic pants on.Her mom pulled down the plastic pants,unpinned the diaper and removed it,then pulled the plastic pants back up! I couldn’t believe the mom did that that right there in front of of a living room full of people and wondered why the girl was wearing the diaper and plastic pants in the first place.
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The only unusual thing that my mom did was when i was 13 and finially made my First holy Communion.I was in the class with the 2nd graders and mom bought me the traditional,poofy,sleeveless communion dress and veil with lace anklets and white mary jane shoes.She told me that since i was in the class with the little kids and that i was in puberty and still kind of a little girl yet that i would wear an under shirt and rubberpants under my dress just like the little girls wear.She got a pair of the rubberpants in the extra large super size and an under shirt and put them on me the morning of the ceremony.The rubberpants felt different next to my skin and i felt like a little girl in my outfit.I am curious if there are any other catholic women here who made their First Holy Communion and wore a diaper and/or rubberpants under their dress either as part of the dress code,or tradition,or as a parent requirement.Any feed back would be appreciated!
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