When you become a parent you do so many disgusting things you never imagined. It’s bad enough that you have to wipe the poop off of someone’s butt for a solid two and a half years or so, but did you ever realize you’d be wearing that poop?
I know dads do a lot of these same things, so don’t take offense gentlemen. It’s just that moms seem to be the ones doing so many of the cringe-worthy acts. It’s as if our bodies somehow evolve when we give birth and suddenly snot and vomit don’t ignite our gag reflexes like they once did. (affiliate links included)
Here are ten things so profoundly disgusting that only a mom (or an awesome dad) would do them:
2. Smell things to determine what they are. Is that poop? Did you just throw up? There’s only one way to tell.
3. Stick your hand in the toilet – flushed or not. Those pacifiers aren’t going to retrieve themselves.
4. Smell someone’s butt. The easiest way to determine if someone has soiled a diaper is to shove your face up against it and take a deep breath. Yep, that’s poop.
5. Wear baby spit-up with no intention of changing. Yes, I know I have spit-up on the front of my t-shirt. I can smell it, too. But what’s the point of changing when I’m going to be spit on again in 20 minutes?
7. Allow your kids to throw up on you. One time my son was sick and started throwing up on me. I just sat there and held him. I quickly moved into the bathtub before the second round hit but never once did I push him away from me. I held him close and let the vomit soak into my sweatshirt. He needed to feel comforted much more than I needed fresh clothes.
8. Investigate poop. The color, the amount, the texture… these things tell us a lot about our kids’ bellies so it’s an important thing to pay attention to. It also usually gives us a little too much insight into their last meal. Oh, I can see you had blueberries for lunch.
9. Clean their face with your spit. A good spit shine works just as well as a wet wipe.
10. Catch their unwanted, chewed up food in your hands. “Eww I don’t like this!” and then they lean over and spit the food into your hand before you have a chance to hand them a napkin. I’ll never understand why my hand is consistently their choice of trash receptacle.