As you noticed from my post yesterday the day started off good! I wrote baby girl her first letter and posted a 24 week bump-pic before heading off to my final high-risk sonogram. The weather was great and although I was a little bummed to have to make the trip by myself it was hopefully the last time. Not quite.
When they checked my cervical length like they do every Monday it was down to just a little over 1cm. Once we get to zero, dilation starts. Obviously that is scary for a number of reasons, most concerning that I would dilate and the baby would be born early. I couldn’t go home and get anything or hug my little one.
I was sent straight from the hospital I was at to another hospital with a Level III NICU and immediately began a few treatments like a very uncomfortable shot in the butt of steroids to jump start baby’s lungs. The plan of action was to look again in the morning and decide whether it or not it was too risky to go in and sew my cervix closed. The big risk being breaking my water in the process.
I got an IV to start antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory (also acting to reduce some fluid around the baby to relieve pressure from my cervix) to prepare for surgery. Minimum stay in the hospital? Four weeks. Maximum? Whenever baby is born.
That was the technical details – now I’ll tell you about the emotional details. The part where I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe and no one could understand my phone conversations. How the nurse hugged me, handed me tissues and I mumbled out the sentence that I had a baby at home and I couldn’t be gone for a month. I just couldn’t. How I’ve cried and cried over the guilt I am feeling for not just going without seeing my son but going without parenting him. No baths, no playing outside, no getting him ready for bed or rocking him to sleep. The fact that I’m feeling really sorry for myself that I can’t just be living my life. I can walk nowhere besides to the bathroom. If I want a wheel chair ride to get some fresh air? The doctor must approve and write orders for it first. And that I’m sad for my husband. Not only is he separated from his wife like I am separated from husband but that is suddenly thrown into essentially being a single dad.
Everyone has told me and doctor’s have stressed to me that I am the only one that can do the job that needs to be done to keep our daughter safe. Lots of people can take care of my son well. I have a job to do and even though I’m not actively doing anything, I am taking the needles and shots and uncomfortable exams for her.
So here I sit, hanging out and trying to rest as best I can. I’ve been tweeting like crazy so follow me there for more updates. I have loved getting words of encouragement from everyone and they mean so, so much.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
Devin's Mom says
We are all here for you, praying and sending good thoughts. I will see you tonight! Love you!
Ashley Paige says
oh, elizabeth! i practically cried while reading this.. we will be thinking of you and praying for you and that sweet baby girl of yours! there is no doubt that B and your husband miss you terribly- i can’t even imagine.. but you are a true hero that is beyond selfless for doing everything you must to protect that baby girl.. hugs to you! xo!
beka says
I read your facebook post this morning and have been thinking of you all day! I have good friends who went through this with their son, and I feel for you so much. Let me know if you need celeb gossip magazines. I may not be able to do much else, but I could bring those by 🙂
~The Neaves Nest~ says
Praying lots of prayers for you. I can’t imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you’re experiencing being away from your family and worrying about your little girl inside. Hugs
Mommy McD says
Bah! Lots of prayers your way!
Sandi says
Oh no! I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope that you can rest & relax some. Praying for you and your family!
Ashley says
Praying for you Elizabeth! My son was born at 32 weeks and 6 days. So I can kinda understand where you are at. All the shots are awful, but I’ll be praying for you for peace and that your little girl holds on for several more weeks!!
Cheryl says
Lots of prayers and positvie vibes coming your way!!!!
🙂
Zookeeper Jess says
I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you!! Keeping you in my prayers.
Samantha says
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am crying for/with you. I cannot imagine the emotions that you are experiencing and I am praying for you. Sending good thoughts your way!
:mzvanessa: says
OH no 🙁 I can’t imagine being separated from my older children & husband that long.
How emotional this must be for all of you!
<3 Sending you & your family positive thoughts & vibes.
Carmelin says
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