Dear 15 Year Old Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Right now you’re my innocent baby girl.  You toddle around naked and you aren’t embarrassed.  You aren’t concerned with what you’re wearing, where I bought it or if it matches.  You don’t stand in front of the mirror and suck in your pot belly.  And the only boys in your life are your daddy and brother; your grandpa’s and cousins.

But that will all change.

Life will move quickly and soon you will be an awkward adolescent trying to figure out just exactly who you are.  It’s important you do that, too.  Living life and seeing new things and meeting new people and trying new hairstyles are important.  I’ve said it before, but I’ll remind you again that you have my permission to be whoever you want to be.

So while I’ll let you rise and fall, make good decisions and bad, there is one thing I am going to tell you right from the beginning, and I won’t let you forget it:

You do not, nor will you ever, need a boy to give you value. 

Let me explain…  That doesn’t mean not to like boys, not to date, not to fall in love.  You should do all of those things.  But remember as you are doing them, how special you are.  That more than likely whoever the boy is that is not calling you back, or flirting with other girls, is doing it on their own agenda.  It is not a reflection of you.

And I promise you, whatever you think you should or shouldn’t do to get that boys attention, will only work temporarily.  In the end, he will move on and what he takes with him is up to you.  You can be left feeling sad, empty and ashamed or you can feel good.  Good about the decisions you made and confident that God has a bigger plan.

‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
When you’re fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin ’round
But in your life you’ll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen

You won’t know these things at 15 and you won’t think I understand, but I do.  Because I was who you don’t want to be.  I wasn’t empowered to be strong and confident and that left me with regrets and years of bad decisions.  We can discuss the reasons behind our choices; the psychology of it all and why we do what we do but in the end it’s simple: love yourself.  You control how people treat you.  You can refuse to let it happen or you can give them the opportunity.

And remember how much life there is to live and that more than likely, whoever you date in high school will not be the person you marry.  He is not the person that will nervously ask your father’s permission to marry you or hold your hand in the delivery room.  In fact, the person you date in high school will pale in comparison to that man.

Remember that whoever was chosen for you in this life, is not someone who would treat you disrespectfully.  He will love you more than that.  So do I.

Love, Mom