For a second I thought about foregoing this post in fear of seeming like an ungrateful woman who doesn’t appreciate the wonderful things in her life. But several people have shown interest in my perspective on being a working mom and at the end of the day, I’m not really too concerned with people calling me ungrateful.
I work a very busy HR position for a large company, eight hours, five days a week and my office is at home. I hired a sitter about a month ago to watch Brady two days a week and my FIL helps me at home the rest of the week. Had I have been forced to take my 8 week old infant to a stranger and drop him off for nine hours a day I would have wound up in a mental hospital. I wouldn’t have done it. I would have quit my job, sold everything I owned and wouldn’t have cared about the consequences really.
My whole life has changed since having him, obviously. I want his life to be perfect and to be the absolute best mother there ever was, something I feel like I just can’t be while working. I can be a great mom, and feel like I am, but for my situation, my job, my life, my perspective… I feel like I’m not the mom I want to be. And yes, I blame work.
I pretty much want my daily existence to revolve around him. I want to wake up and love on him, feed him leisurely, watch him play and not be distracted by watching the clock or listening for the sound of an email alert. I want my mind focused on him and not the constant demands of a job that I don’t like. I spend a lot of time with him, much more than the average working mom, but it’s the quality of time that I have issues with.
I have yet to meet a single mother that doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom and focus solely on her child. Even the mom’s that swore they would want to work, needed to work, have all changed their minds post-pregnancy. The problem is making that happen and for most of us a two-income family is very necessary. I think it is ridiculous to be forced back to work after just 12 weeks or less in many cases. I truly believe maternity benefits should last an entire year and that our jobs should be held for when we return, but that is one benefit the US doesn’t allow us.
I have yet to meet a single mother that doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom and focus solely on her child. Even the mom’s that swore they would want to work, needed to work, have all changed their minds post-pregnancy. The problem is making that happen and for most of us a two-income family is very necessary. I think it is ridiculous to be forced back to work after just 12 weeks or less in many cases. I truly believe maternity benefits should last an entire year and that our jobs should be held for when we return, but that is one benefit the US doesn’t allow us.
That’s why I started Elizabeth Rose. The goal is to not only be able to make money at something that I enjoy instead of the opposite, but something that can be done at my discretion and has the possibility of bringing in a better income. I would really love to know what SAHM’s out there do to offset the money they would make if they worked.
Sher Bailey is a writer in the Midwest who believes the power of humor, Mod Podge, and grandkids can fix most problems in life. You can find her at SherBailey.com.
Kristen says
well I’ve been a SAHM for 2 years now. You learn to give up a lot of things. We sold both of our nice cars and are now down to one car payment and one junker that we paid cash for & it’s not the prettiest of cars but hey, it gets us from A to B. We don’t go out to dinner anymore. Grocery shopping takes slightly longer because you have to price everything, make sure you’re getting the best of deals. Hand me downs are lovely. And those things around the house that are great to have but hey, do you really need them? Well, those get sold. The big difference is realizing what you want vs what you need. No more splurges! 🙂 Good luck to you girl!
Kristen says
p.s. take in an extra child. It’s a lot of work and most of the time an inconvenience but it’s extra money. Something to think about!
Kristen says
AND! you won my magazine giveaway! 🙂
Laura says
I am staying at home. We moved a year ago and knew that we would be getting pregnant so I didn’t find another job. I’m hoping I can continue to stay at home. So far, so good.
We have a 10 year old vehicle and another one with no car payments, I price out all grocerys…Sams club really is a savings. We don’t go out to eat, probably won’t be taking as many trips or a trip at all. It’s a learning process but I’m having to figure out how to be happy without so much stuff (you get spoilt as a DINK (Dual Income No Kid).
It’s not easy and we do stress about money, but it’s worth it to stay at home with Ethan. I think it will get easier once I get adjusted to the new lifestyle.
You just have to take the plunge and say if we can’t do it…I’ll find something else.
bekapaige says
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bekapaige says
I think this post was very real. I have always been so career-driven and many times that I think most, man I couldn’t be a stay at home mom. On the other hand, I don’t have a baby yet- and I don’t know if I’m a strong enough person to leave my baby at daycare. I’ve looked into some part-time nanny options, which seems like a good plan, but then I think would I want my baby spending as much/more time with someone other than me?!
I don’t think there is a perfect answer for everyone, but I hope that you find something that you’re happy with.
Both my mom and my older sister are SAHMs. My parents lived very frugally for their first 10ish years together, when they were paying off my dad’s education, buying a home, starting my dad’s private practice, etc. Having no debt (no house/car pymnt, etc) allowed them to live with few expenses per month in comparison to, for instance, what I’m currently paying on debt 🙂
My older sister has four-year old twins and a nine-month old baby, and they recently purchased a fixer-up house. In addition to caring for the kids, she is completely renovating the house and homeschooling the kids. Because they bought a house that needed TLC, they’ll profit more when they sell as a result of her elbow grease. Even though she is really busy working on house stuff, being the person to teach the twins to read, vocab, spelling, etc gives her quality time with them.
I don’t know how helpful this ridiculously long comment is, but I just thought I’d share some perspectives!
GMbox says
I agree with you! Living without DEBT it is much easier!
doctor mom says
I can relate to you angst! Although my children are grown now, I was a working mom raising 3 children, and know how torn you can feel.
I kept re-reading an article in an old “Readers Digest” and the author was talking about being a mother. She said ( and I am paraphrsing here)..I have tried it (being a mom) by the book, by the heart and by the gut, I have tried it working full time, working part time and not working at all. And what I can tell you is that being a mom is the hardest thing that I have ever done. the end!
I dont mean to sound negative, because it is also the most rewarding thing, but this quote helped to accept that there is no “right way” and that each mom has to do “what feels right” for them, and make it work!
There, that is the end of my advice. I just found this blog by accident, sorry if I am butting in!
Laura says
We live a pretty comfortable life. Much of the year we have been blessed to be able to eat out and do whatever we want. There are some times we have to cut back a little more but it’s what we have to do. If I were to go to work, daycare would eat up my whole entire paycheck and there is just no point. I would love to be able to work for home or be able to make enough to contribute but I can’t. So until something changes, I am here with Cameron every day. I don’t mind, I LOVE being at home with him, but it sucks not to have options.
Just the 3 of Us says
I am the mother of an 11 year old from a previous relationship. My husband and I got married this past July. We would love a baby…but I REFUSE to go to work afterwards. I want to be the one to be at home with our baby…not a sitter…not a family member…not a daycare center. I am working on building a bakery business I can revolve around being at home 🙂
Good luck with your photography business – if you were closer I would definitely hire you for a shoot to help you achieve your goal of being home with your baby 🙂
tills says
Hi, Just wanted to say…I can’t believe you guys get so little time off work!! I’m from the UK and when I go back to work (I don’t want to)I will have been off for a year, with my job guaranteed and with pay (on a downwards sliding scale) for nine months of that. I really don’t know how it must feel to have to go back to work after just twelve weeks, they’re so tiny then, never mind that i had to finish work at 32 weeks due to problems.
I have to go back to work on March 1st for a min of three months, it’s in my contract or I have to pay back a lot of money. I really don’t know how I’m going to cope, i just want to look after my lovely little boy!
I too do photography so I wish you lots of luck with that, hopefully it’ll really take of and you can make that your career (I can’t think of a better one, other than being a Mummy).
x
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