It was about 7:30 in the evening, close to bedtime, when my daughter grabbed a can of playdough and asked me to help her make a dinosaur.
“Not tonight baby,” I replied. “Mommy has done all her building and playing for the day. Let’s do it tomorrow.”
It wasn’t that I had a particularly active day. I certainly didn’t do anything too strenuous or taxing on my body. I just did the things I normally do on any given day: make breakfasts, lunches, pick up toys, do a load of laundry, color, read, play and well, mother. Nothing too difficult, right?
But I feel this way every night at about the same time.
Every night by the time the sun starts to set I hit my limit and yesterday I realized why: I am always on.
Do you know what I mean by on? It means my senses never rest. My brain never stops from the moment my eyes open until the moment they shut. I’m answering questions, calming arguments, explaining, listening, talking.
My sensory receptors don’t get a chance to chill out even for a second. My ears are always listening, my eyes are always watching, my mind is always processing.
There are stimuli around me always.
I know there are plenty of other jobs that demand this sort of vigilance every minute. But when you mother around the clock, the only minute of quiet you might get each day is the few minutes between the time they fall asleep and your eyes shut. Even then we tend to sleep with one eye open, listening for middle of the night cries and wake ups to use the potty.
It is rare that I go more than two nights in a row without one of them waking me up.
And I’m not complaining – I adore them and there is no other job in the world I’d rather do – I’m just explaining. I’m telling you why moms are so damn tired everyday, even though it appears we’ve done nothing extraordinary with our day.
This is why you need a break.
Moms, this is the reason why you need to say yes to a Saturday afternoon babysitter or a sleepover at Grandma’s house. Your body and soul needs to be able to stop mothering every once in a while.
Yes, you’ll think of your kids while they’re gone and probably worry about them, but you won’t have to keep your ears open to baby cries or hover over someone as they attempt to pour their own juice. You can sit in the quiet for longer than 15 minutes.
(P.S. if you’re looking for a sleep course to get those little ones to finally sleep through the night check this one out – it’s incredible.)
I’ve come to realize I can be a better mother when I get a break from being one. And that’s OK. It’s necessary to understand these things about yourself. To know your limits and how to refill your cup because no one else will do it for you.
So dads and husbands, if you’ve ever wondered how your wife could fall asleep on the couch every night at 8:45, this is why.
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Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
Yep – if you care about children take great care of mothers – and as mothers we need to take great care of ourselves. Thanks for this great post.
Mindfulness4Mothers taught me to switch off that hyper-vigilence. To quieten it a little with understanding but also knowledge that it wasn’t serving me or my children to be on all the time
Very Insightful!
http://mamaongo.com/let-mommies-vent/
This is a great read! And so true! We are always on, this is why I recently started back at the gym for an hour to myself to rejuvenate!
This is a nice idea but we don’t all have a babysitter around to help. For me I know I need the break but it’s not an option. No family around and no extra money to hire someone. An now I spend my nights worrying and not sleeping well. I just a hard time in life pushing through for my babies.
I am glad you posted this comment! We are in the same boat! I sometimes feel so guilty that I’m not able to fully ” charge” for my babies because like you said no family or extra money for a sitter. I just have that time at night. We will get thru this!
A really enjoyable read! Absolutely true! We are always connected, which is why I recently started going to the gym again for an hour to recharge.
I know I need a break, but it’s not an option for me. There is no family nearby and no additional money to hire someone. Now I spend my nights fretting and sleeping poorly words from letters
That’s true.. Thank you for sharing it!
This is an incredible perused! Thus evident! We are generally on, to this end I as of late begun back at the exercise center for an hour to myself to restore!
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this is really good and and this is absolutely true , i’malways coneected with you
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