If Parents Made What They’re Worth, Here’s What The Salary Would Be

If parents were compensated based on their job skills, daily duties and time, what do you think they’d make? I thought it would be fun to do a deep dive and take a guess.

Conflict Resolution Mediator: $80/hour

“They help parties assess their current positions and help them decide a mutually advantageous outcome to the disagreement.”

Just yesterday I helped come to an agreement on a mutually advantageous outcome for two individuals who could not decide who could look out the car window.

This probably accounts for approximately 85% of parenting for anyone who has at least two small humans in their house.

Certified Ghostbuster: $30/hour

I’ve single-handedly removed hundreds of invisible monsters, creepy shadows and the strange noise the fan makes.

HAZMAT Waste Removal: Incalculable

I don’t want to go into detail here, but you’ve been there. You get it.

Uber Driver: $12 per ride

Just like an Uber driver we always have a snack, a pack of gum and directions to where we’re going. However, unlike an Uber drive, I don’t get to wait in the car until you show up. Usually, I am frantically scurrying you out of the house and then re-entering for whatever worldly possession you forgot inside.

Electronics Technician: $24/hour

I can fix a broken iPad or PS4 controller like I went to college for it.

Private Tutor: $30/hr

Perhaps not as patient as a professional tutor, but hardworking nonetheless.

Plumber Apprentice $15/hr

Plunging the toilet because a certain little girl has used half a roll of toilet paper is a weekly occurrence here.

Personal Chef: $37/hr

Again, not as skilled as a professional, but parents can make three different dinners in under an hour.

Child Therapist: $57/hr

Talking through problems is our super power.

Lifeguard: $10/hr

Sitting guard at the pool, lake, beach, river is how we spend all of our vacations.

Housekeeper: $15/hr

Here’s another time we may not be quite as good as the paid folks, but we work our butt off to keep our house looking like the madhouse it is.

Waitress: $12/hr

Serving cups of water at 9PM like a pro.

Private Shopper: $25/hr

This can be fun yes, but also quite frustrating when your kids hate jeans and socks and anything that matches.

Barber/Hairdresser: $16/hr

Especially during COVID, we have all got our YouTube degree in cutting hair.

Life Coach: $150/hr

YES.

Financial Manager: $60

This is the job I hate the most, but we have no choice.

In total, the average hourly rate (without including the invaluable work in waste removal) is approximately $35.81 an hour. For a total average annual salary of….. (drum roll, please…..) $74, 485.

But there’s a catch: that amount is for a 40 hour work week. I think if you asked any parent they would tell you they spend WAY more than 40 hours a week on these tasks.

So I doubled it, because I am making this up and I can do what I want. (hahahaha). The final total I estimated with my extensive mothering knowledge is…

Parents Annual Salary: $148, 968

Let’s be honest for a minute. The real value of a good parent is something you could never put a price on and if you could, it would be so much no one could ever pay.

We do it because we love our little crew so much, which drives us way more than money ever could.