I don’t usually have any regrets with my decision to have my tube tied. Really, there wasn’t much choice to be made. Having another baby would mean another round of bed rest and injections and all sorts of things I have no interest in ever going through again. Plus, as a mother, I’m tired. I don’t know if I’m just not meant to have a lot of children or if I got the ornery ones, but this mom thing is exhausting and I just couldn’t picture doing it again.
But as happy as I am with my decision, every once in a while I have a little moment that I think, “I’m going to miss having a baby.” That moment when you become a mom. That day when your whole world gets tossed upside down and you ride a roller coaster of painful and happy tears. Those days are just amazing. I have the most vivid memories of the days Brady and Paityn were born and as absolutely insane as they were, I wish sometimes I could go back and relive them. I want to put myself in a time machine and go back and do it all over again. The IV, the surgery, the pain in the aftermath. I’m in love with those days.
Both of my deliveries were unscheduled cesarean’s, one of which was an emergency. Neither were expected, calm moments and in fact if you’ve been around here long enough, you know they were the exact opposite. They were exciting, adrenaline charged days with several moments of breath holding and so much praying. I remember that moment when Paityn was pulled out and the whole world stood still waiting for her cry. I heard her stretch her lungs for the very first time and sobbed. Happiest of all happy tears. At Brady’s birth when the doctor said, “Happy Birthday!” I just beamed and felt such incredible happiness. I had waited a long time for that baby and my heart felt so full.
I was lucky enough after having Brady taken from me to go the progressive care nursery, to get to have Paityn on my chest almost immediately after birth. I got to live in that place where you just fall head over heels in love with your baby. That feeling they try to show you in the movies. You’re up all day and all night and you aren’t even sure what day it is, but you just don’t care. You and your baby are nestled together and she fits the perfect mold of your chest. Your finger is the perfect size for her to grab.
If there is anything that I would ever regret about not having any more children, it would be that; knowing that I’ll never get to have one of those days again. But I know they’ll always be in the very front of my mind to relive as often as I want.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.