I’ve always wanted more than one kid. Probably just two but maybe three, maybe four? I don’t have any whole siblings, my mom and dad only made me and I always wanted a sister. I definitely wanted my child to have a sibling.
Then I got pregnant and vowed to never do it again. As I was lying on the operating table with my guts split open and tears rolling down my face I made my husband promise me that I never had to do this again. I hated, no, I loathed being pregnant. Then to add to it my baby was premature, had acid-reflux and a milk protein allergy and was just an all around difficult baby.
But then I heard of the band-aid effect, you know, just get it over with. Have the babies back to back, get all the pregnancy and newborn-ness out of the way then have your life back (sorta). That sort of makes sense, I thought. I mean, I want Brady to have a sibling, I’d really love for him to have a brother, and one close in age would be wonderful. I cannot imagine getting through all of this and getting to a point where he can walk and talk and articulate his wants, get himself a snack and most importantly, wipe his own bottom, only to go aaaaallll the way back to square one again. So, why not just close my eyes, take a deep breath and jump in feet first? Get pregnant again, get this part out of the way and then make the hubs an appointment with the ball cutting doctor.
I mean, lets say you carve out three to four years of your life for pregnancies, sleepless nights, a child attached to your boob, few date nights etc. and then its over. You have 40 or 50 years left to be a parent to two children. Because its not children that I have a problem with, it’s the tiny baby children. It’s a small window of time in the grand scheme of life.
Should we? Shouldn’t we? I can’t decide. What are your second child plans?
Sher Bailey is a writer in the Midwest who believes the power of humor, Mod Podge, and grandkids can fix most problems in life. You can find her at SherBailey.com.
Whity Wife says
my opinion- adoption. We are having a lot of talks right now, but there is a blog that brings me to tears as she shares stories of homecomings
http://weloveourlucy.blogspot.com/
http://teamchase4andcounting.blogspot.com/
Jess says
We didn’t plan our second child. He was a surprise that was conceived when my first was 4 months old.
Honestly? It’s hard having two babies close together. It never stops. Ever. For the first two years of two babies, it’s constant.
BUT. I love it. I loved it so much I’m now pregnant with my fourth, who will be a mere 15 months younger than my third.
Every baby is different. Every pregnancy is different, as is every delivery/section/recovery. Personally? I love mine close together. But it is chaotic, and as long as you don’t mind chaos? I adore the whole thing.
Lucy Marie says
Evan wants to have them really close. I’d like a little more space. I think we want to have 3 or maybe 4. I want to put a space between the first two and then have the rest all bang bang bang.
Pray about your decision and do whatever is best for your family.
Just the 6 of us! says
First of all, I don’t know you in real life. But you seem like a really smart, with it girl. When the timing is right, you’ll know it. 🙂
A woman named Kellie follows your blog. I am guessing you don’t know her story. On Feb. 17th she was teaching kindergarten when she got the worst call of her life. Her 4 month old baby died in the care of the babysitter. Kellie is a wonderful woman who needs our help! If you could see her blog and feel inspired, it would be amazing if you could do a post about the auction they are doing on this coming Monday, the 28th. They are trying to raise enough money to (in the future) have another child and be able to stay at home with them full-time. Kellie and James didn’t deserve what happened to them. Could you please help out a wonderful family in need by posting the link to the auction on your site? Thank you.
http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/
The auction site:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=44960&id=186874161353204
Shannon says
I am all about the band-aid theory. If you can do it financially, I say go for it.
In fact, I had four kids in 4.5 years! Right now I technically have a four year old, a three year old, a two year old and an almost 5 mos old. (My oldest will be 5 next month and I had 3 boys, then a girl) There are days that are beyond hectic, I won’t lie. But there were days like that with just one or just two. Going to the grocery store requires a few logistics (after baby’s nap, before lunch and I wear the baby in a carrier, push the 2yr old in the cart and the other 2 walk) but it’s doable.
My first kiddo, was the most difficult baby. He was colicky, loved to be held, has a milk/egg allergy, and is whiny. My other 3? The.easiest.babies.ever. Seriously. The second time around you are so much more confident in your own choices and instincts. The baby is more laid back because of it. Breastfeeding is easier, night time routines are easier. I actually get a full night’s sleep now because everyone is sleeping through the night, but didn’t when my 1st was 5mos old!
And the pride that my older boys have looking after their baby sister–melts my heart. They are so sweet and so caring. They are all really good about helping each other, encouraging each other and looking out for one and other. I’ve been blogging about my kids since 2007 so if you ever want any insight, check out my blog and you’ll see…we have our days but most of the time it’s alot of fun!
Raven says
oh oh oh I want to comment on this one! 🙂 (Just saw your blog btw and love it. Will be following)
I have two boys, born exactly 2 years and 2 weeks apart. March 1st and March 14th, to be exact. So in a few days, I will have a 3 year old and then 2 weeks from then, a 1 year old. I always knew I wanted two kids and wanted them close in age. I have twin sisters who are 2 years younger than me and even though we fought like cats and dogs growing up, we are SO close today.
Basically, I got pregnant both times exactly as planned. I wanted my kids 2 years apart. And that’s what I got. Even though it was soooo hard at first and is getting easier (just a little) I would most definitely have had them closer together or further apart.
For sooo many reasons but what is done is done, and I am super happy with my two boys. Good luck! And I will be coming back to read what your decision will be 🙂
Kristen says
I had always wished Logan and Riley were closer together but honestly it’s so much easier having Logan be so independent while Riley is so not. We plan on having a 3rd baby but are waiting until this fall to try again. We did try last fall (only one month) and I’m pretty sad that it didn’t work but it was for the best. Honestly I don’t think there’s ever a “right” time to get pregnant and I don’t think there’s a “right” age difference between your kids. For sure I’d say don’t wait too long cause you want your kids to be close enough together so they’d be able to be friends. Good luck with your decision.
A Mother...Again says
I have two of my own…and they are nine years apart. I didn’t plan it that way. My first was a girl and super fussy, worst-case scenario type of baby that made me fearful of trying again. Then when I was ready to try again (about 4 years apart) my marriage fell apart. It took me some time to find someone to want to do that whole roller coaster with again, and waiting was the obvious right choice for me.
But having done it with them so far apart, there are good things and bad things. Yes, the older one is inderpendent and able to help out with the baby…but I got used to having an independent child and was nearly out of the “I need you Mommy” stage and now I’m fully back in it.
I certainly don’t regret it – LOVE my two kiddos, but if I had it all to do over again, I would have two closer together. Just my two cents…
Vee says
I don’t have kids – we don’t even have a plan for number 1 yet (we might skip it altogether, who knows). But I totally feel you on being the ‘only.’ I too was the only child my mother and father made, and I was raised an only child by my grandparents. I later acquired two younger half-brothers who I adore, but I always wanted just one person out there who really got it – was parts of both halves of me. You know? So, I feel you on that, is the only constructive comment I have 🙂
Susan Amestoy says
Hi,
I am writing a book called “So…How Did You Meet Anyway?” It is a collection of people’s “how we met” stories.
I have posted the stories which have been sent in on;
So…How Did You Meet Anyway?
http://wwwsohowdidyoumeet.blogspot.com/
I am always shopping for stories and I would like to add yours. Please check out the site, and if you would like to contribute your “how we met” story contact me at;
susan.amestoy@gmail.com
And,I went on to have a second and a third baby (all girls:)…but took my time with it. Whatever works for you is the best way to decide.
Take care and…congratulations on your love, marriage and son!
Susan
d.a.r. says
Obviously we don’t have kids yet, so take everything I am about to say with a grain of salt…
We want 4 kiddos. So, if we space them out too much, that could be 10-12 years or no sleep, diapers, etc. Omg, that sounds like an awful long time. We are pretty much going to try and knock them all out as quickly as possible (gah, that sounds so crude, but I can’t think of a better way to say it). Ideally, I’d like about 12-18 months between each kiddo, but I am pretty willing to just accept that whatever happens will happen. We won’t be preventing after we have our first and just kind of let nature take its course, I suppose.
Plus–I want my kiddos to be close to their siblings. I want them to be friends, to grow up together, etc. My brother and I are four years apart, and that is a lifetime when you are in middle/high school! We didn’t really get close until recently, and I have always kind of hated that.
Danae' says
Liz, as you know Caeley and Caiden are only a little shy of 15 months apart. Caiden was a TOTAL surprise! Caeley was only 6 months old when we found out we were pregnant, AGAIN! I was SO scared. Caeley was such a difficult baby, cried ALL the time, didn’t want to sleep in her own bed was NEVER happy with anything she did and had to be carried 24/7. I just didn’t think we could handle another child. I cried for weeks when I found out Caiden would be here in less than 9 months. I also had MANY problems with my first pregnancy, major heart problems, diabetes, swollen feet to the point I couldn’t wear ANY shoes & very bad morning sickness the WHOLE time. I defiantly was NOT ready to go through all that again. But the second time around seemed a little easier because you KNOW what to expect. I recovered from surgery even faster the second time around because you HAVE to get back up on your feet because know you have a little one year old running around that you have to keep up with. I wish we would have waited till Caeley was at least 2 before we tried again but you know how motherhood is you just have to get up and DO IT no matter how you feel. And yes, it is hard taking care of TWO little ones but you wake up in the morning and every day is different and every child is different. Caiden just ended up being a WONDERFUL child who never cries, sleeps in his own bed and is ALWAYS happy no matter what he is doing!! Now I look back and I dont regret it one bit! I think if we were to have waited Caeley would have been more jealous. My biggest problem is after I had Caiden I cried all the time and I know now this was a part of the “baby blues” after pregnancy but, I felt bad for Caeley because all of our attention was now to be shared between the two and that was hardest. I know it sounds kind of bad now but when you give all your attention and see EVERY move and milestone of your first child it was difficult to know to have to share your time now between the two. Caeley is almost TWO now and she is such a good little helper to feed Caiden and help give him baths and she just LOVES him. She is starting to talk more and is SO much easier to take care of then when she was a baby. Since I had Caiden and see how easy it is to take care of him. I’m glad I had Caeley first…LOL if it was opposite I would be lost at what to do!! SO Yes, I say GO FOR IT!!!