Co-Workers I Secretly Despise

I work from home (thank GOODNESS), which means I don’t have co-workers. But there have been short bursts that required I work at a job with other actual human beings. Not gonna lie, readers. There were some challenging co-workers that made me want to quit my job, climb to the top of a water tower wearing a clown wig, and either cry or laugh my face right off.  I’m sure you’ve never felt like that, right? (affiliates included)

Do any of these kinds of co-workers apply to you? Are there more I missed?

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1. The “I have to stay home again today because I’m constipated” co-worker. You know them. They aren’t even trying with the excuses for staying home any more. They’re just so confident everyone else will cover, they will stay home for every little thing.
2. The “My Aunt died” co-worker. Now listen, I’m not a beast. Death is a bastard and it hurts. But, let’s be real. Some deaths hurt us more than others and we need WAY more time to process. Your co-worker’s auntie who lives 5 states away, has had dementia for 3 years and has never been mentioned before? Maybe 2 weeks off is a bit much to take off work.
3. The “Gosh I love garlic” co-worker. From the tears that fall from your eyes each time they lean in to discuss the Johnson file to the plants that keep dying on their desk, something is happening inside their mouth that is unholy. You beg the Secret Santa gods every year to let it be you to draw their name because nothing says Merry Mother-Trucking Christmas like a stocking full of Crest
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   and Mints
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   .
4. The “I have free kittens” co-worker. I love kittens as much as the next person, but there comes a time in every crazy cat lady’s life where she needs to get off her behind, do the right thing and spay or neuter her cats. PS: Stop trying to talk me into taking one home or I swear I’m going to go all spider-monkey nuts in the office and I mean it.
5. The “Can you help me do the job I was hired to do but don’t really know how to do” co-worker. Think Creed on The Office
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   . This person is getting a paycheck, but you’re doing your job AND their job, too!
6. The “I’m going through a divorce/break-up and it’s all I’m going to talk about” co-worker. Look kiddo, we’ve all been there and we’ve all felt that sickening pain. But, crying in your Post-It Note container
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   isn’t going to help. You know what will? Work. Throw yourself into it and save the crying for your bestie when the work day has ended. PS: Stay the hell away from co-worker #4. Trust me on this.
7. The “Wait ’til you hear what Marge in receiving did” co-worker. If they are telling tales about other co-workers, don’t you dare be naive enough to believe they won’t do the same about you. It’s like a universal law.
8. The “I always have a candy jar
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   full of good stuff” co-worker. I like you, but you’re contributing to my fatness. Yeah, it’s my own fault, but help a sister out and maybe only put Circus Peanuts
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   in there. Those things are Satan’s candy. xoxo

PS: If you’re interested in how I make a living from home, you can read my series about working from home here. If I can do it, seriously – you can, too.

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