I’m sure you have heard the phrase, “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I don’t like to think of the wife as the sole provider of the families happiness (that’s a lot of pressure) but when the leader of the family feels happy, content and without stress, it flows to everyone else.
Every single person’s happiness is important, but today we’re talking to the husbands for a minute. See, so much of the time you see your wife as stressed out and grumpy. And you could be right, maybe she is. But you don’t realize how much power you have in correcting that.
Husbands that have happy wives typically do these five things. How many of them are you doing?
Husbands With Happy Wives Do These 5 Things
They take responsibility.
If you are letting your wife do practically everything for the entire functioning of your household, you are not taking enough responsibility. If she pays every bill, watches the budget, cleans the house, does the laundry, packs the lunches, gives all the baths… you are destined for an unhappy wife. For the sheer fact that she is exhausted and exhausted people aren’t usually very cheerful.
Your family and your home are your responsibility as well. If you’re not already, pick a few things off that list of duties she has and do them yourself.
They make them laugh.
Laughter does a lot of really important things: it relaxes your body, boosts the immune system, releases endorphins and even burns calories. (source) Laughing is a sure fire way to make sure your wife is happy.
Not a funny guy? That’s ok, not everyone is a secret comedian, and you don’t need to be. You can help make a commitment to laughing with your wife (you need the laughter, too!) in a couple other ways.
First off, there are a ton of hilarious comedy specials on Netflix. Make an in house date night once or twice a week and pick a new one to try. We plan our times to hit the gym and to grocery shop, why not schedule out time to laugh?
There are also some really great comedy clubs all over the country. If you can find one close enough, make a special date night now and then to attend. Laughing will be good for both of you.
They support them.
We all naturally need to be supported. If we have an argument with a co-worker, we want to feel heard. When we want to make our kids birthday cake from scratch we want you to not recommend a bakery. When we say something crazy like, “You know, I want to run a marathon next year.” we want someone to say, “Of course you can run a marathon!“
Do you know how many times in my thirties I have said I want to go to law school but I feel like I’m too old and not smart enough? A lot. And do you know what my husband has said to me every time? He tells me I could absolutely, without a doubt, go to law school. Is he crazy? Yes. But if I go sign up to take the LSAT he will wish me luck and mean it.
Feelings supported is so important. Having the courage to dream and not having someone squash it is vital.
It is easy to be supportive, just do it.
They say nice things.
How simple does that sound? They say nice things, duh. But honestly think about how often you tell your wife thank you for dinner or that the lipstick they bought looks nice on them. When is the last time you told them they are a great mother?
Not doing these things doesn’t make you a jerk, it just means you’re probably in the grind of life and running on autopilot. We all forget little things like this.
As much as you want to feel desired and appreciated, she does, too. For women, often times our Love Language are words of affirmation and we will feel loved by you when you say nice things. Honestly, how easy of a task is that?? You literally just have to open your mouth and say words.
Side note: if you both haven’t taken the Love Languages test to find out which on you are, hurry and go do that.
They let them be themselves.
I left this for last because it is certainly the hardest. Allowing someone to truly be who they are is what I think of as the most essential part of a marriage. You can’t change who someone is and I’m guessing since you married them, you like who they are.
But maybe you hate that they are the kind of person who is always running just a little bit late. Perhaps you get angry and end up in an argument every time you’re on your way to see a movie.
I talk about detailed ways to change your mindset in my Fall Back In Love Challenge, but the essential idea is to flat out love people for who they are. Being mad will not make them stop being late.
This article goes into more detail about this and it’s a great read.
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I want to be clear that the happiness of your wife is not your responsibility, but it is something you’ve committed to as much as she has committed to yours.
And if we’re being honest, her happiness is as good for you as it is for her. Because it’s probably true, if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.