Dear Daughter,
Right now you’re my innocent baby girl. You toddle around naked and you aren’t embarrassed. You aren’t concerned with what you’re wearing, where I bought it or if it matches. You don’t stand in front of the mirror and suck in your pot belly. And the only boys in your life are your daddy and brother; your grandpa’s and cousins.
But that will all change.
Life will move quickly and soon you will be an awkward adolescent trying to figure out just exactly who you are. It’s important you do that, too. Living life and seeing new things and meeting new people and trying new hairstyles are important. I’ve said it before, but I’ll remind you again that you have my permission to be whoever you want to be.
So while I’ll let you rise and fall, make good decisions and bad, there is one thing I am going to tell you right from the beginning, and I won’t let you forget it:
You do not, nor will you ever, need a boy to give you value.
Let me explain… That doesn’t mean not to like boys, not to date, not to fall in love. You should do all of those things. But remember as you are doing them, how special you are. That more than likely whoever the boy is that is not calling you back, or flirting with other girls, is doing it on their own agenda. It is not a reflection of you.
And I promise you, whatever you think you should or shouldn’t do to get that boys attention, will only work temporarily. In the end, he will move on and what he takes with him is up to you. You can be left feeling sad, empty and ashamed or you can feel good. Good about the decisions you made and confident that God has a bigger plan.
‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
When you’re fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin ’round
But in your life you’ll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen
You won’t know these things at 15 and you won’t think I understand, but I do. Because I was who you don’t want to be. I wasn’t empowered to be strong and confident and that left me with regrets and years of bad decisions. We can discuss the reasons behind our choices; the psychology of it all and why we do what we do but in the end it’s simple: love yourself. You control how people treat you. You can refuse to let it happen or you can give them the opportunity.
And remember how much life there is to live and that more than likely, whoever you date in high school will not be the person you marry. He is not the person that will nervously ask your father’s permission to marry you or hold your hand in the delivery room. In fact, the person you date in high school will pale in comparison to that man.
Remember that whoever was chosen for you in this life, is not someone who would treat you disrespectfully. He will love you more than that. So do I.
Liz is a just a mom trying to keep it real about how little she sleeps, how often she gets puked on and how much she loves them. You can find her here every day writing about real-mom moments.
Mandy@ a sorta fairytale says
This is so so sweet!!! I just love that you wrote this. She will enjoy reading this when she’s older!
Heather says
This was so sweet and I can totally relate as a mom of two daughters myself. I enjoy your blog and you keep things real!
Liz says
Aw, thanks Heather!
Elizabeth says
I understand the sentiment behind this heartfelt post. However, my high school boyfriend whom I met at age 16 became the love of my life. We dated through college, supported each other’s hopes and dreams and built a life together. Now happily married for 15 years, we are expecting our fourth child. It’s hard to imagine life without him. He has held my hand through difficult pregnancies, sonograms, and the birth of our children. He is my biggest cheerleader.
We have a 12 year old daughter, and I understand the sentiment behind this post. My husband and I work hard to teach her self respect and praying we have the honor and privilege of watching her grow into a confident young woman.
I know that back in 1994, when I met that shy, handsome, sweet blue-eyed guy in the hall of my old high school, my parents had no idea we would end up where we are now. We are raising our two boys to respect and honor young ladies, and I know there are lots of others doing the same.
I don’t normally comment, but just felt led to share my heart and my story.
You are a beautiful writer! Keep up the great work!