There’s a strange thing that happens once most wives have babies–they begin neglecting their husbands in order to care for their children. While this is understandable–and even beneficial–when the baby is an infant, the problem occurs when the pattern continues long past the infant stage. When mothers of preschool and elementary aged children are still neglecting their husband’s needs due to motherhood and all of the responsibilities that come with it.
While your children will always need you, your husband needs you too. And furthermore, your children deserve to grow up in a home with a rock-solid marriage, if at all possible. Achieving the perfect wife mom balance is hard! I get it! But it isn’t impossible, and it should be a priority. Here are four ways to make sure that it is.
1. Assess Your Current Situation
How much time are you spending with your husband currently? Are both of you happy with the arrangement, or is someone feeling left out? Are you neglecting to make your spouse a priority? What other tasks are on your plate that don’t need to be there? Take some time and answer these questions critically and honestly. Ask your husband for his opinion as well. It may hurt, but it’s the first step to fixing the situation.
2. Schedule Alone Time with Your Husband
Now, it’s time to actually do the work! If you just say you’ll “get around to spending time with your husband someday,” something else will always come up. Instead, you need to be intentional. Maybe you make Monday nights movie night for just the two of you after the kids go to bed. Maybe you get a sitter every other Thursday. Maybe you wake up early Saturday morning to enjoy each others’ company before the kids wake up. Find what works for you.
3. Teach Your Children Patience
Oftentimes, one of the hardest parts of connecting with your husband when the kids are little is being able to get a word in edgewise! Combat this by teaching your children patience. This is a life skill they need, and now is the perfect time to learn it. Teach them to wait until you are done talking before they interrupt or before they ask you to go do something with them. This teaches children that the world does not revolve around them and it shows your spouse their importance.
4. Check in Regularly
Balance isn’t a “one and done” type of deal. Be sure to check in regularly with both your spouse and your children to see how everyone is feeling. Your children may always want more, more, more of your time and attention, but make sure that everyone has enough of you to feel happy, loved and secure, without leaving you overwhelmed and running on empty yourself.
Bonus: Take a look at The Marriage Masters program from The Dating Divas, designed to teach you how to master the art of marriage! This is a complete 26-Week marriage coaching program delivered right to your inbox every week with new instructions, activities, printables, and ideas to try.
Teacher turned work-at-home mom, Brittany loves using her words to help people improve their faith, marriage and parenting. And with one awesome husband and two very rambunctious little boys, she’s always got a lot to say! In addition to writing for Love and Marriage, she also owns her own site, Equipping Godly Women, where she regularly shares helpful tips, tricks and encouragement to help women be the amazing women God created them to be.
Julie S. says
These are great tips. Since having the baby a few months ago, hubby and I don’t really get to spend much time alone together. We definitely need to work on that balance.
Karri C says
this is true no matter how old your children are. My husband and I had more time when our children were younger. It was easy to schedule a Saturday night date night. Now with kids ages 7 and 13 it is much harder to schedule time. The kids have scheduled events all weekend that we need to be at or be there to give them a ride. It’s also harder to have alone time with teens in the house. Half the time I can’t stay up later than them. I do like your ideas. And you are definitely right, that you have to put the work in. Thanks!
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